Monday, March 8, 2010

If it looks like a pig and sounds like a pig...

Don't let his regal stance fool you. He's a PIG!

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, Piggy is purposely being extremely annoying with his repetitive noises in an attempt to drive me crazy and, perhaps, even force me to move back home to Inola, Oklahoma, where I was born almost 13 years ago. Don't laugh, it could happen. I will get right back on that airplane that took me here. Don't push me. And, after all I've been put through by living with this cretin, I will fly First Class, baby! Screw the cargo pit!

The vet says his immune system isn't doing so hot (probably because he's on so much Prednisolone for the IBD - though I suspect it's because he's A MUTANT AND NEEDS TO GO BACK HOME TO HIS PLANET), and now he has bad bronchitis. He can't breathe and he's oinking like a pig.

Great.

Bad enough he smells like a potato and mushroom casserole. Bad enough he needs his bald butt wiped with baby wipes after he poops. Bad enough he burrows under his blanket like a rat. Bad enough he has big eye boogers and he tries to eat them. Bad enough he gets to eat way more wet food than me, even after eating all those eye boogers. Bad enough he hogs up the best real estate in front of the radiator. Bad enough he licks the catnip toys until they are soggy and then turns into a mean drunk and gallumps on me. Bad enough he gets baths and has his ears cleaned with Q-tips and then tries to lick his own ear wax. Bad enough he has brain-washed my mother into thinking he's cute. Bad enough he takes a bath with Johnson & Johnson Baby Wash. Hello?

Now, on top of all of THAT, he snorts and grunts and wheezes and coughs and coughs and coughs and sneezes and coughs. And I'm supposed to be sympathetic? And I'm supposed to be all NICE to him? Oh, poor sick mutant. Poor sick pink...THING!

Ok. Fine. I'll try. But I'm not making any promises.

Love,

Grover

P.S. Piggy gained 11 ounces since he's on the thyroid meds. He's got wicked saggy skin like a deflated football so maybe now he'll plump up a little. And maybe he'll plump up so much that the tide will change and I will be the one getting most of the can of wet food and he will be the one getting one piddly spoonful! A boy can dream....

10 comments:

The Creek Cats said...

Grover, you alway make us laugh and we need that on a Monday. We are sorry to hear Piggy has the nasty bronchitis. It is no fun for humans or kitties. We hope he gets better very soon and are glad to hear he has gained some weight!

SuziQCat said...

Here's purring the Pig will feel better soon.

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

11 ounces, yay! We are soo glad to hear that. Oh, yeah, we heard you Grover...want some cheese with that whine?

There is a nose drop that might help Piggy if he's congested. It's called Little Noses (for children, you can find it almost anywhere that sells cold meds)and comes in a decongestant (use only 1-3 times) and a saline(use as often as needed). Your mewmie just can drip it on the rubbery part of his nose and it will flow into the holes.

Sparky said...

I too have used "Little Noses" for a cat I had once with a SUPER BAD upper respiratory infection, and it did help.

Get better Piggy! We love you !!!

The Meezers and Billy said...

oh noes - well our baby Nicky has the same ick - does Piggy sneeze out 6 foot long green boogers too? if not we will trade you one potato and mushroom casserole smelling piggy for our - boogery IT.

Elenka said...

Oh, Grover, remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and Pig is beautiful to me. (and so are YOU!)
Be nice now....

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Be nice Grover, it really sucks to be sick. Yeah, dat Little Noses stuff is, as our neece sez, da bomb...not dat it will blow Piggy up, even if Grover would enjoy it (and we're gessing he really wouldn't) but it makes da boogers go away. At least fur awhile.

Daisy said...

I'm glad little Piggy has gained some weight. My Mommeh says they used the Li'l Noses stuff at the shelter, too.

ps: Is it wrong to eat the sleepy-bugs from your eyes? Uh oh.

Junior and Orion said...

Grover, your life is so terrible.....;)

We hope you feel better Piggy, we will be purring for you.

melissa said...

oh Grovers, you know you love him. :) and your mommy too, and i did notice that you didn't say anything about your own sexy pic from the post before....fire is sexy, but don't forget, its hot too. thank you for your post...we love you all...give your mom, and piggers, a kiss...please?