Listen, Piggy is purposely being extremely annoying with his repetitive noises in an attempt to drive me crazy and, perhaps, even force me to move back home to Inola, Oklahoma, where I was born almost 13 years ago. Don't laugh, it could happen. I will get right back on that airplane that took me here. Don't push me. And, after all I've been put through by living with this cretin, I will fly First Class, baby! Screw the cargo pit!
The vet says his immune system isn't doing so hot (probably because he's on so much Prednisolone for the IBD - though I suspect it's because he's A MUTANT AND NEEDS TO GO BACK HOME TO HIS PLANET), and now he has bad bronchitis. He can't breathe and he's oinking like a pig.
Bad enough he smells like a potato and mushroom casserole. Bad enough he needs his bald butt wiped with baby wipes after he poops. Bad enough he burrows under his blanket like a rat. Bad enough he has big eye boogers and he tries to eat them. Bad enough he gets to eat way more wet food than me, even after eating all those eye boogers. Bad enough he hogs up the best real estate in front of the radiator. Bad enough he licks the catnip toys until they are soggy and then turns into a mean drunk and gallumps on me. Bad enough he gets baths and has his ears cleaned with Q-tips and then tries to lick his own ear wax. Bad enough he has brain-washed my mother into thinking he's cute. Bad enough he takes a bath with Johnson & Johnson Baby Wash. Hello?
Now, on top of all of THAT, he snorts and grunts and wheezes and coughs and coughs and coughs and sneezes and coughs. And I'm supposed to be sympathetic? And I'm supposed to be all NICE to him? Oh, poor sick mutant. Poor sick pink...THING!
Ok. Fine. I'll try. But I'm not making any promises.
P.S. Piggy gained 11 ounces since he's on the thyroid meds. He's got wicked saggy skin like a deflated football so maybe now he'll plump up a little. And maybe he'll plump up so much that the tide will change and I will be the one getting most of the can of wet food and he will be the one getting one piddly spoonful! A boy can dream....