Monday, September 28, 2009

Grover's Nature Show


It's Grover.

Listen, today I will teach you all a few facts about baby Bobcats.

In the wild, baby Bobcats survive by eating pigs and pickles. In captivity, they become BFFs with Pig, but they still eat pickles.

Here is another fact about baby Bobcats.

In the wild they like to chew on sticks. In captivity, they chew on rawhide sticks (for dogs) and lollipop sticks (they steal the lollipops from the cabinet first).

And those are all the facts about baby Bobcats that I will share today.

Thank you.



Friday, September 25, 2009

Home Sweet Home?

Don Vito Curlyone proudly displaying his prolific curly chest hair, disorganized whiskers and giant paws. (mobile phone photo)

It's Grover.

Listen, I think I may have found a use for the moggy interloper seen above.

This morning, I was minding my own business (as I always do), sitting on the stove and staring down my mother as she made tea (I am still FURIOUS that she taped my cabinet shut) and she was all kissing up on me and mushing my head in a manipulative and failed attempted to reconcile.

I remained steadfast and did not purr, nor rub against her, though it was hard not to, but she is still on a time-out so far as I am concerned.

Anyway, so finally she leaves me alone and goes to do whatever it is she does when she's not being mean to me, and then, of course, Vito saunters into the kitchen and walks to the stove and stares up at me with his Bobcat eyes in a manipulative and failed attempt to be my friend.

But then...oh gosh, I still cannot believe this happened...the little bugger started to PULL THE TAPE OFF THE CABINET!

The noise brought my mom back to the kitchen and he got yelled at and sprayed with the water bottle but, judging by the look he gave me before he ran from her assault (can someone call the Humane Society, please?) he led me to believe that once she left the house to make money to buy our food and toys and litter and pay for Piggy's vet bills, he was going to get that tape off for good and I was going to be able to move back in!

I am SO excited!

To be continued...



Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Lesson of the Day - The Cabinet Is Not A Litterbox

The reflection of my mom's light had me mesmerized!


It's Grover.

Listen. I was evicted from my new home inside the kitchen cabinet and I'm really angry about it.

See, it's like this, Vito kept trying to get inside. I was getting more and more mad, so I figured out a way to make him stop. I pooped in the cabinet. Now, don't get all judge-y judge-y on me here. You would have done the same thing.

But, in retrospect, it may not have been the best action to take.

See, once I pooped in there I realized it wasn't going to be much fun to LIVE in there, so I pulled some lids to the Tupperware onto the poop to try to cover it. That didn't work, so I went into the box of Ziploc bags and pulled some out and put those over the poop, too. And that is when my mom came into the kitchen to investigate all the noise.

She opened the cabinet door and bellowed, "GROVER! NO YOU DIDN'T!" But, um, yeah, I did.

And that is when I got REALLY yelled out and she began throwing things out of the cabinet like a crazy person....can you say OVER-REACTIVE!? Exactly. And then she must have sprayed half a bottle of bleach spray all over the freaking place. And she was so mad because she had to throw all these different things away.


And then, the worst part, after she threw all the stuff out and cleaned up the poop and left the whole apartment smelling like bleach spray, she taped the cabinet closed and I can't open the door anymore to get it.

To say I am insulted does not do justice to the rage within me. I am now not only on strike, but starting the legal process to disown her. And Piggy and Vito, too.

So there.




Saturday, September 19, 2009

Make It Stop, Please...

I can't quit you.


It's Grover.

Listen, we love you all and so appreciate the love and support and prayers and good wishes you are sending our way. THANK YOU!

That picture up there is, yet again, another example of the disgusting displays of affection I am being forced to tolerate because my brothers just don't know when to quit it!

I feel like today it's more OK for me to express my distaste for the two of them because Piggy is eating and acting normal, mostly, and then he gets wonky, and then he's totally normal again, and then he's not - so, see, now I can talk sass about him and stuff without feeling guilty.

We were a little taken aback when the vet called yesterday to tell us (very kindly) that there was no need to put Piggy through any more tests or procedures, because after so much done, they won't ever be able to tell us what exactly is going on with him...(and he cannot withstand anesthesia) so, we should let Piggy be Piggy - let him eat and play and love and knock over the little rocks in the bathroom and steal Vito's food and annoy the heck out of other words, give him his meds, leave him be and what will happen will happen and that is that.

We know that death from arrhythmia would be quick and painless and would probably transpire in his sleep and there is comfort in that...sort of. And, anyway, we think he's going to outlive all of there. We have received so many emails from you folks telling us of miracle stories with your own 'doomed' babies and we are taking comfort and faith in that. Thank you.

For now, he's our little (and getting littler) pink Pig and I'm glad he finally has a friend to snuggle, because lord knows for the past seven years of his life I'd only go near him every now and again and only when no one was looking. What? You think that's mean? I can't help it - he smells like potatoes and mushrooms! What, I'm supposed to hold my breath?!




P.S. Thank you all so very, very much! Words cannot express. I am honored by your thoughts and prayers. OXO Allison (the mom of these 3)

Friday, September 18, 2009

All You Need Is Love

Ooo, you make me, you're my best friend...


It's Grover. Listen, just because I licked Piggy's eye gook out of his eye and ate it doesn't mean I'm disgusting, OK?

I got into a fight with Vito last night because he keeps trying to come into my house and it's really getting on my nerves. He is tenacious! Anyway, we were on the table and I was smacking him in the head very hard and we somehow knocked over the Brita water pitcher and it fell to the floor and cracked open and all that water went everywhere. Mom was none too pleased. But I am the victor and will be again. A small causality will not deter me.

My mom can't have been too upset because right now I am sitting on her lap and periodically licking her as I type this. Piggy and Vito are, of course, asleep on the couch together, showing off their love. I think they should just get a room and leave the rest of us out of it, thank you very much. This mobile phone picture is from the other day, before Piggy got wonky so, see, it's not even because Piggy is wonky that Vito wants to be all gooshy with him. Sheesh.

This morning Piggy ate a little and seemed more alert, but then he got very tired and went back to sleep. I'm going to go back to sleep now, too.

Oh, there is one more thing I want to tell you. Hard boiled egg yolks. Delicious. That is all.



Thursday, September 17, 2009

Kitchen Cabinets, BFFs and Wonky Hearts

Vito doesn't like that his BFF is so sick. Vito's ear doesn't like it either...


It's Grover.

Listen, in the short time frame since Vito invaded my space, he and Piggy have become BFFs and I hate them both. I am on strike. I've moved into one of the lower kitchen cabinets, amongst the bottles of oils and vinegars. I come out only to say a brief hello to my mom, eat, drink and poop, and then I retire back to my hovel.

I have some sad news to tell you...Piggy got wonky and had to go to the emergency hospital...long story short because I'm very sleepy, but we found out that Piggy's heart is deformed and blood flow keeps getting cut off from his brain. He also has severe arrhythmia.

His cardiologist, the wonderful man who literally wrote the book on feline and canine cardiology, is unsure how my little brother has lived this long with this heart (7 years) but it's most likely that his body had adapted (from birth) to the deformity...up until now. But my mom thinks maybe his body will just go back to liking his wonky heart.

More tests to come. We put him on beta blockers to help with symptoms, so we'll see if that gives him some relief. Prognosis uncertain as there is other ungood stuff going on - mainly the IBD seems to have progressed rapidly and may have turned 'malignant'. He's lost 2 pounds in a very short period of time.

My mom gave him a bath today to get the hospital stink off him...and now he smells like Johnson & Johnson Baby Wash instead of potatoes and mushrooms and something funky. Excuse me? A cat that smells like a baby? Bitch, please!

Piggy doesn't want to eat and he's is very sleepy. We're hoping that's just exhaustion from the ordeal, and the newness of the beta blockers and not some new state of being for him...we shall see.

Thanks for caring! I'm going back into my cabinet now.



P.S. Sigh.............