Tuesday, March 30, 2010
I think this photo, once and for all, answers the questions of: 1) Does Grover love me?; 2) Is Grover the World's Biggest Teller Of Falsehoods because he always acts like he doesn't love me?; and 3) Is Piggy the cutest and kindest and most forgiving cretin, um, CAT, who lives in this apartment because even after all the smack that Grover has spoken about me, I STILL let him use me as his pillow?
I'd say, the answer is YES! YES! YES!
at 8:38 AM
Monday, March 29, 2010
It's Grover. Listen, I'm a wee bit freaked out by Piggy being in constant communication with his planet, yet never actually getting back on that spaceship and going home.
I don't think I'm over-reacting either.
If you saw something that doesn't look like a cat, doesn't smell like a cat, doesn't feel like a cat and doesn't act like a cat, but everyone around you kept pretending it WERE a cat, and then you saw said THING in a posture like this and then the TV started to go static-y (It did! I swear!), what would YOU think?
Your Witness, Counselor.
at 10:24 AM
Friday, March 26, 2010
Listen, I wanted you to see a picture of how happy and fun I was before Piggy arrived to torment me and ruin my life. This is me getting a drink of water from the fish tank 7 years ago.
We don't have a fish tank anymore. Is it a coincidence that we have a Pig but no longer have fish? Hmmm....I wonder.
I'm also wondering if any of you are allergic to your cat litter. The scent maybe?
My mom thought maybe I was, so for a few months she had been trying new litters, but my allergies didn't get any better. They've never gotten better since the day I was born, but she still keeps trying to fix them. As if I weren't perfect just as I am, constant snuffles and all? Leave well enough alone, mom, OK?
She even changed my (yes, yes, I KNOW Piggy uses the same box I do, but it's still MINE!) litter to some nasty pine stuff! I thought it was a joke! Pine? In my box? I would have NO part of it (it was worse than the one she tried that was made of newspapers!). It took her a while to realize why I refused to poop in the box every time when she had that pine or newspaper stuff in there. She's not very bright, that one.
Piggy was confounded (kind of a natural state for Piggy anyway) by the entire litter-changing episode. He'd stand outside the box and look at my mom and look back into the box and look at my mom and look back into the box and sniff sniff sniff.
I think it's pretty obvious that we LIKE our environmentally-non-friendly, perfume-y, commercial brand, hard-clumping, scoopable litter, thank you very much. Do I mess with what brand of toilet paper YOU buy? Did I ever try and make YOU use newspaper in the bathroom? I rest my case.
Anyway, so we've reached the end of the litter experiment and we are now back to our usual litter and I am now back to pooping in my box and Piggy has stopped looking like he's watching a tennis match every time he goes over there.
I still refuse to cover my poops, as always, because I'd prefer Piggy find somewhere else to go and I keep hoping my uncovered poops will deter him from going into my box. So far, no luck. He goes in there right after I do to cover it up. Fine. Be my serf, Piggy. At least you are beginning to know your proper place in this household.
Anyway, Piggy's URI is still bad and he's been on antibiotics since March 6th. He is also taking double-doses of anti-virals. Last night may have been the worst of it - he couldn't breathe through his nose at all and the Little Noses didn't help and he just slept on my mom's chest with his head nuzzled in her neck and I could just tell he was totally milking the whole Pig in Distress thing. Bitch, please! It didn't stop him from eating mass quantities and begging for more, sounding like a rooting boar the entire time!
We are thinking maybe the change back to his Prednisolone every day kicked in quickly because this a.m., after a really horrid night, he is (though still doing his Aloysius Snuffleupagus impression) breathing more easily. He didn't puke yesterday, either.
So hopefully he is on the mend and hopefully my mom has grown bored of messing with my bathroom experience and hopefully she'll leave the gluten-free, freshly-baked brownies uncovered on the counter to cool again so I can again stand partially in the pan of warm deliciousness and lick the entire top crinkly layer off of them.
But, hopefully, next time she won't catch me in the middle of doing so and I won't get yelled at and she won't throw the brownies away (WHAT A WASTE! Doesn't she know that people are starving in this world?) and, instead, I can watch her eat my cat-lick each time she takes a bite.
Wouldn't THAT be fun!?
at 8:54 AM
Thursday, March 25, 2010
It's Grover. Listen, Piggy is seven and seven is old enough to know that you eat your yogurt with your mouth, not your face.
P.S. Hi. It's Piggy. Grover isn't being fair! I got yogurt on my face because my mom gave me the almost empty container of yogurt to lick and I had to put my head all the way into the container to get every drop. So that is why I look like I'm wearing cold cream, OK? Sheesh!
P.P.S. Hi. It's Piggy again. Thank you for all the well wishes! I love you and I appreciate you! I'm not feeling well at all, which is why it's especially annoying that Grover is making fun of me! My vet thinks I have asthma and they put me back on my Prednisolone every day because since they moved me to every other day to try and help to get rid of my URI (in conjunction with antibiotics), I lost the weight I gained and have been puking every day and having liquid poops and coughing very badly. I have very bad head congestion and it makes me grumpy. Even I think I sound like a real little pink pig instead of a cat who just looks like a little pink pig. Oink.
at 9:18 AM
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Piggy wants you to know he feels like shit lately and he's sick of it, but the sun shining through his ears, though frightening to me, feels good to him.
It's Grover. Listen, I think my mom has gone so far off the charts that she is now color-coordinating accessories to match Piggy. Bitch, please. Did you really LIKE that pillow or did the green just remind you of the cretin's eyes?
at 9:38 AM
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
It's me, Piggy.
We had a flood in our apartment on Saturday and yada yada yada, the bed and some other stuff got ruined, so our mom slept in the living room on the comfy Aerobed.
Me and Grover were very excited by this because we don't usually get to sleep with our mom since she's a bitch and locks us out of the bedroom at night. However, since Mother Earth has proven yet again how fed up she is with the human race, we got to sleep with our mom two nights in a row. Hooray!
I really didn't mind all the flooding because I'm a laid back sort of guy, but Grover can be a little, um, how shall I put this....sensitive (aka BITCHY!), and I think the disarray in the apartment, on top of our mom being stressed by all the water, caused Grover to crap on the floor right next to the Aeorbed and then climb right back under the covers and go to sleep as if it didn't even happen!
When our mom woke up and saw the poop there, she was none too pleased and Grover got yelled at. I pretended not to notice, but I was secretly snickering under the covers.
Oh, and she KNEW it was Grover because ever since the doc reduced my Prednisolone I've had bad poops, so it was obvious that the poop on the floor was the good kind (except that it was on the floor, not in the litter box, so that's kind of bad) so that is how my mom knew Grover should be yelled at and not The Pig (as my vet calls me).
We hope you are all safe and warm and dry!
at 2:09 PM
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Don't let his regal stance fool you. He's a PIG!
Listen, Piggy is purposely being extremely annoying with his repetitive noises in an attempt to drive me crazy and, perhaps, even force me to move back home to Inola, Oklahoma, where I was born almost 13 years ago. Don't laugh, it could happen. I will get right back on that airplane that took me here. Don't push me. And, after all I've been put through by living with this cretin, I will fly First Class, baby! Screw the cargo pit!
The vet says his immune system isn't doing so hot (probably because he's on so much Prednisolone for the IBD - though I suspect it's because he's A MUTANT AND NEEDS TO GO BACK HOME TO HIS PLANET), and now he has bad bronchitis. He can't breathe and he's oinking like a pig.
Bad enough he smells like a potato and mushroom casserole. Bad enough he needs his bald butt wiped with baby wipes after he poops. Bad enough he burrows under his blanket like a rat. Bad enough he has big eye boogers and he tries to eat them. Bad enough he gets to eat way more wet food than me, even after eating all those eye boogers. Bad enough he hogs up the best real estate in front of the radiator. Bad enough he licks the catnip toys until they are soggy and then turns into a mean drunk and gallumps on me. Bad enough he gets baths and has his ears cleaned with Q-tips and then tries to lick his own ear wax. Bad enough he has brain-washed my mother into thinking he's cute. Bad enough he takes a bath with Johnson & Johnson Baby Wash. Hello?
Now, on top of all of THAT, he snorts and grunts and wheezes and coughs and coughs and coughs and sneezes and coughs. And I'm supposed to be sympathetic? And I'm supposed to be all NICE to him? Oh, poor sick mutant. Poor sick pink...THING!
Ok. Fine. I'll try. But I'm not making any promises.
P.S. Piggy gained 11 ounces since he's on the thyroid meds. He's got wicked saggy skin like a deflated football so maybe now he'll plump up a little. And maybe he'll plump up so much that the tide will change and I will be the one getting most of the can of wet food and he will be the one getting one piddly spoonful! A boy can dream....
at 9:34 AM
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
OK, Grover...really? Are you really laying next to the pot WHEN THE BURNER IS LIT WHEN MOM IS MAKING HER OATMEAL?
Are you really hanging your paw over the edge of the stove like you're all sorts of cool or something?
Is mom really that big of an ass by letting you stay there when you already burned your whiskers off before on the stove?
Note to mom: Instead of taking his picture and encouraging him to think he's Fonzie, how 'bout you just take him off the stove when the flame is lit, OK?
Good lord, what is going on in this house?
at 9:41 AM