Mom wanted to know why I kept sticking my paw under the front door.

So, she opened the door to see what was out there and I dove out so freaking fast she didn't even have time to stop me.

The reason I've been sticking my paw under the door is there is a GIRL CAT out there and she's been tormenting me for DAYS!

I jumped on her, hard, all 23 pounds of me - and I started to pummel her and mom screamed at me and had to pull me off.

Then I got yelled at and tossed back into the house while mom went to make sure the girl cat was OK.

Mom said, "How can a cat with no fur who couldn't even survive outside and loves to snuggle be so freaking mean?"

I'm not mean. I'm just territorial.

Very.

And if that girl cat knows what is good for her, she won't be coming 'round my door no more.

Because I will kick her ass again.

Serious.

I haven't been here in a month.

I've been very busy.

I had toys to play with, food to eat, a litter box to dirty.

I had bugs to kills, Grover to beat up and cheese to sneak off my mom's plate.

I had dirty paw prints to leave all over the bathroom, a bottle of cranberry juice to break and spill all over the floor and a plastic bag to get tangled up in.

I had a beaded earring to steal (hee hee, no one has found it yet!) and a sweater to shred and a lightbulb to break.

I had to get used to sleeping under the covers again (it's COLD!).

I also had to get used to something new - I got some hair! Well, not hair really, more like little tiny stubbly bits. I know, I know, how scary. Don't worry, they'll fall out soon.

So, you see, I've been very busy.

But now I'm back.

Hi.