Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, does anyone want a pot-bellied, pink, bald, so-called cat?

He drives me crazy with his constant need to bother me and pounce on me.

I should also warn you that he smells like mushrooms and potatoes. Maybe you won't mind that.

He also likes to lick stuff, especially me.

He gets stuck in high places because he has to follow me everywhere I go, but he's too much of a big lug to get himself back down.

He is very good at catching spiders and he is a strong wrestler.

He is also good at making sure I'm OK when I'm coughing up a hairball, which is something he never gets because he doesn't have any hair.

He can be very warm and snuggly sometimes, when he's not being a big, evil brat.

He learns well, too - like, I taught him how to knock things off of shelves and tables and he's really good at it now.

And, he's a very good at tipping over garbage cans and stealing used Q-tips from them.

Hmmmm, on second thought, you can't have him.

He's mine.

Love,

Grover