The grocery delivery man took one look at me and asked, "Is that a dog or a cat?"

My mom said, "He's a cat.

The man said, "He's got a big belly."

If I could talk I'd tell him he's got a pretty big belly himself!

I'm SUPPOSED to have a pot belly. It's my breed's standard and I live up to it fully.

Harrumph.

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, does anyone want a pot-bellied, pink, bald, so-called cat?

He drives me crazy with his constant need to bother me and pounce on me.

I should also warn you that he smells like mushrooms and potatoes. Maybe you won't mind that.

He also likes to lick stuff, especially me.

He gets stuck in high places because he has to follow me everywhere I go, but he's too much of a big lug to get himself back down.

He is very good at catching spiders and he is a strong wrestler.

He is also good at making sure I'm OK when I'm coughing up a hairball, which is something he never gets because he doesn't have any hair.

He can be very warm and snuggly sometimes, when he's not being a big, evil brat.

He learns well, too - like, I taught him how to knock things off of shelves and tables and he's really good at it now.

And, he's a very good at tipping over garbage cans and stealing used Q-tips from them.

Hmmmm, on second thought, you can't have him.

He's mine.

Love,

Grover

I wake up every morning at 3 o'clock.

I don't know why.

But it's very annoying.

I have to run around like crazy trying to tire myself out.

Doesn't work.

I have to paw at my mom and pounce on Grover until the urge to sleep returns.

That's usually about 6 o'clock.

Just when my mom has to get out of bed.

Darn.

Hi:

It's Grover.

Happy Birthday Piggy! You are two years old today. I bet you didn't even remember it was your birthday.

Even though you forgot my birthday last week (I turned 6 and I will always be older and smarter than you!), and you smell like mushrooms and potatoes, and you like to torment me, I still love you.

I just wish you didn't actually live here all the time.

Love,

Grover

Usually, I get my bath at night.

I hate it.

But today I got one this morning.

You know what though? It's so damned hot in this place I didn't even mind when my mom called me sweaty and stuck me in the sink.

This morning I discovered I really like peanut butter and rose jam on wheat bread.

But I had to drink a whole bowl of water afterwards.

Now Grover says I smell like peanuts, instead of his usual comment that I smell like mushrooms and potatoes.

I really enjoy licking...myself, my mom, Grover when he lets me, the catnip banana, the computer monitor, the scratching post, the windowsill, the floor, the blue and white striped rug under the desk chair, the stove, the bathtub, the round silver mirror, the cell phone, plates that had food on them.

Licking. It's good.

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, I don't know why no matter where I am sleeping, Piglet has to jump on me and scare me, but I am sick of it.

He did it again in the middle of the night last night. I was sleeping very comfortably on two pillows and he just gallumps onto me like a big horse and scares me.

As soon as I ran away, he went back to his usual spot against mom's stomach and went to sleep.

He's a brat.

Serious.

Love,

Grover

Yesterday it was so hot that me and Grover didn't even want to move.

Grover said we couldn't just lay here and do nothing. He thought we should protest the heat.

So, we did.

First, we knocked over the big cup of tea that mom had left undrunk on the kitchen table. It was especially fun because the white curtains had blown onto the kitchen table and they got totally soaked in the tea. Tea ran across the table and onto the chair and raced across the floor. It got really sticky later, but we kind of liked how it felt and we also liked the little sticky paw prints we left all over the kitchen and bathroom floors.

Then, we went into the studio and knocked over all the cups of pencils and pens and crayons and markers. Then we played with them, mostly knocking them under the computer desk. I made sure to chew on almost all the pencils. Tasty.

Then, we went into the living room and knocked the heart milagros off the wall.

And, of course, we kicked litter from the litter box all over the floor.

We were very tired when we were finished, but I think we got our point across because it's much cooler in here today.

It is so hot in here that I think I should climb into a roasting pan and stick an apple in my mouth.

Just because I swoon when I hear my mom sing me Barry Manilow's 'I Can't Smile Without You' does not mean I'm a big old sap, no matter what Grover says.

We had a visitor this weekend. I really liked him and I curled up on his stomach while he read on the couch.

Then he went to sleep and I climbed under the covers and went to sleep, too.

I thought everything was going really well between us, until about 3 o'clock in the morning when he INSISTED on moving around and disturbed me so much I had to get up and go into the bedroom to sleep with my mom.

These humans, they just don't get it. I'm King of the Universe, not them.

Sheesh.