We Interupt This Silence...

A very sleepy Piggy - mobile phone photo. Dude, what is up with those paws?

Hi:

It's Grover. Listen. We're very sorry we have not written in so long and we thank you so much for your many emails and comments and concern, and patience in our responses. Here is a summary of our last month:

1) Our mom got bumped and bruised by a mini-van. This is what happens to a person who is distracted and instead of staying on the sidewalk, walks in the street along the driver's side of the parked cars. Let this be a lesson to you.

2) The day after the Mini-Van Incident, Piggy had a major freak out at the vet resulting in 8 stitches in my mom's hand. (Um, excuse me? Even after THAT, she's still in love with him? Really? Can you say, "Unhealthy Relationship?" Can you say, "Dude...what is up with that?" Exactly.)

3) OK, this one is still sketchy, but personally I think Piggy gave my mom Swine Flu even though the doctor said it's bronchitis. It's all just too coincidental. Mom gets ripped open by Pig. Mom gets stitches. Mom gets a flu. Mom gets bronchitis. Mom's eyes get all red and scary. Swine Flu breaks out. Coincidence? Only the Shadow knows.

4) Piggy's meds were reduced and a few days later he began puking and having diarrhea again...but now he is much better...especially once mom realized the little stinky thing had been sneaking into the closet, had ripped open a bag of our other kind of yummy food we used to eat before Pig ruined everything and got sick, and had eaten a very large quantity of the food. Once our mom removed the offending product, the vomiting and diarrhea stopped. Yeah, she's a smart one, that mom. Doh! This is what happens when one looks upon their child as an angel instead of a devil. Piggy is a devil. I don't care if he's Pink. Pink is just a lighter shade of red, and we all know the devil is red. And the devil's got a whippy tail. And Pig has a whippy tail. Just sayin'.

5) Piggy sleeps a LOT. A whole lot. And when he's not sleeping he is lolling about like a walrus on his super special blue plaid blanket, enticing someone to kiss his round, bald belly. He's disgusting.

6) OK, he's LESS disgusting than he used to be because the medicine has stopped all his skin from flaking away into piles of snow. He used to leave piles of himself everywhere and now, nope, not a flake. But he still smells.

7) We love you and we'll be back soon.

Luv,

Grover

P.S. Piggy wants to tell you something: Hi. It's Piggy. Listen, I do not find it funny that people keep asking if I gave mom the Swine Flu. The answer is NO. Despite being Pink and Bald and having the name Pig, I am feline not porcine and even if I could give her Swine Flu, I would not because I know my mom loves me best and I would never want to make her sick. But I might give it to Grover. If I could. But I can't. So I won't. Luv, Piggy.

P.P.S. Hi. It's Grover. Listen. Harrumph. Luv, Grover

In Which Pig Finally Does What He Is Told

Hi:

It's Grover. Listen. I wanted to tell you that Piggy must be feeling better because he's being all nosy and stuff, like when our mom was cleaning out under the kitchen sink and he sneaked in there and tried to steal a Brillo pad. Um, Pig? Metal and soap? Not such a good idea, K? Thanks.

He also has started gallumping on me again, but his Powers of Gallump are weakened and the Reign of Grover is growing stronger.

Here is a picture of Piggy looking at birds on the fire escape. You can see he is developing a bit of waist in an attempt to be svelte like me. However, um, I feel I should make a confession.

Since I've been eating our delicious gloppy food every day, I seem to be developing a bit of a paunch. So today my mom only gave me a wee plop of the glop and I was not pleased, especially since Pig gets to eat a whole lot of it. He's supposed to eat a can a day but he is still eating less than half a can a day, supplemented with dry food, which he loves. What kind of cat loves dry food more than wet food? Further proof he is daft.

He has been sleeping a lot on his super-special blue plaid blanket, but not on mom's bed (where I like to sleep), which thrills me to no end. He is instead sleeping on the couch where he likes to loll about like a walrus, cultivating the scent of a potato-mushroom casserole and exposing his pink belly for our mom to kiss. Did you just throw up a little, because I did.

Also, to add insult to injury, when my mom brings Pig a little dish of wet food to his super-special blue plaid blanket, he'll eat it with gusto but when she leaves it in the kitchen for him, he turns his nose up and walks away. Can you say spoiled brat? Indeed.

Last night I had a talk with him about that and told him if he doesn't start eating his food in the kitchen like I have to do I am seriously going to kick his butt and I will withhold my snuggles even when no one is around to bear witness.

So this morning he DID eat his wet food in the kitchen. And when our mom leaves for work I will climb next to the weird, squishy thing and give him just a little love. But just a little.

Luv,

Grover

P.S. Thank you for your comments! I will catch up very soon once my mom stays off the freaking computer for a change and gives me time to compose my thoughts!

P.P.S. Look what Teri found!!!!! Shhh...don't tell my mom but I borrowed, ahem, her credit card to buy this for Piggy as a Get Well present. I was going to buy him the XL size as a joke, but decided that would be a bit rude since he has lost 4 pounds. So I got him the Medium instead. Let no one say I am not kind and generous to Piggy. OK, well, let no one say I am not generous then.