Saturday

Hi:

It's Piggy.

Today at the vet we found out I have lost a 1/2 pound in one week. Normally, this would be a good thing - well, my mom and the vet would think it was a good thing if I lost some weight as they think I'm a fattie. Oh, Grover just said to tell you he thinks I'm a fattie, too.

Anyway, so normally everyone would be pleased about this weight loss but no one is. No one is pleased, either, that my lymph nodes are all gigantor and that the ones behind my legs which were fine a week ago are not fine now. Harrumph.

All this means that after midnight on Sunday I am not allowed to eat anything! Yup. Mom will drop me off at the vet for an ultrasound test on Monday at 8am and I have no idea how I will stand not eating for all those hours! That's a whole 8 hours with no food! I will starve! My stomach will growl and so will I! How could anyone survive without food for 8 whole hours?

Oh my gosh, it will be longer than 8 hours! It's just 8 hours from when my mom takes away my food bowl to when we arrive at the vet. How long will I be without food altogether? 9 hours? 10? Twenty?

That vet better give me some chow the moment he's done with that test. He just better.

Double harrumph.

Love,

Piggy

Am I Sick?

Hi:

It's Piggy.

Listen, my mom had a consult today with my vet and the Cornell Veterinary School's diagnostic department about me and they are thinking I may have GI Lymphoma.

See, I'm not sick though. I feel totally fine! I eat, I sleep, I beat up Grover, I play with my toys, I try to beat up Grover again, I sleep, I eat, I purr, I eat. Rinse, repeat.

We also found out they are quite certain it was not a seizure I had in December afterall, but only a vagal episode. Whew. The 'seizure' is the reason mom took me to the vet in the first place and we surprisingly found out my blood tests were very wonky. Then I had to take antibiotics for 2 weeks (I love my Pill Pockets!), but my follow-up blood tests are even more wonky than the first and are indicating that whatever is wrong with me is escalating at a rapid pace.

My mom is confused on what to do as one vet wanted to open my belly up and do biopsies right away but the other vet wants to take a less-invasive route and do an ultrasound on Monday on the slim chance this is all something else and they won't have to open me up after all. But the thing is, the only way to know if what I have is cancer is to open me up. So mom is wondering why bother with the ultrasound if they are STILL going to have to open me up?

I do not know how they will open me up, as I have checked myself all over (Grover helped) and we cannot find a zipper or anything else that would allow ease of opening me.

Anyway, mom is going to the vet with me tomorrow morning to discuss all of this and so he can feel my lymphnodes again to see if they are still big. I do not like the vet after last Saturday because he went up my butt and took poop out and I was not at all pleased to have been violated like that. And it hurt when they took blood last weekend, too, and I screamed so loud my mom almost grabbed me off the table and ran back home with me. But we do love our vet (well, I don't!) so we stayed and let him do what he had to do. Harrumph.

Anyway, so that's what's going on here. If anyone has any advice, please email us. And can someone tell me where my zipper is?

Thank you!

Love,

Piggy (and Grover, and our mom)

What Would Make Me Very Happy

Hi.

This is Grover and I just want you to know that if my mom wore one of those baby slings and carried me around in it all day, I would really love it and be very happy.

Thanks.

Love,

Grover

P.S. My father said that if my mom wore one of those baby slings and carried me around in it all day, he would call a therapist.

P.P.S. Harrumph.

What's For Dinner? Not Me, I Hope!

Hi:

It's Piggy.

Listen, the truth is, I did not have a seizure because I cooked my brain by getting as close as possible to the radiator for as long as possible.

It's just not true, but Grover is trying to convince me there is a potato and mushroom gratin inside my head and it is just about ready to eat.

Harrumph.

Love,

Piggy

P.S. Really, I can't have cooked my own brain into potatoes and mushrooms, right?

P.P.S. Now I'm worried.

P.P.P.S. GROVER!!!!!!

Why I Get Up In The Night

Hi:

It's Piggy.

Today I want to tell you why I get up in the middle of the night so much.

I sleep under the covers pressed against my mom as tight as I can get and then I extend one paw to rest onto whichever body part of hers I'm laying against. It's very snug and warm and I like it a lot and I feel it is my mom's duty to allow me to sleep the way I feel most comfortable.

Periodically I get up and get a drink of water and then police the apartment checking for intruders like mice (haven't seen one here yet), or spiders (haven't seen one here yet), or Q-tips (lots of those!). I also do all the things I'm not allowed to do when my mom is watching - chew on wires, play tap-it with curtain pulls, lick the tiles in the bathroom, knock things off tables and counters. It's fun.

So, it's a combination of reasons that I get up so much and in the process wake up my mom and wake up Grover, too, who thinks he's so precious the way he sleeps next to mom's head with either his head on her pillow (his best imitation of a human) or all curled in a circle on his own pillow (can you believe the creepy little thing has his own pillow?!).

And every time I get back into bed, I get up on my father's side (and it takes me about 3 jumps to get up, thereby giving my father enough warning that I may possibly be landing all 21 pounds of myself on his face) and then, if my aim is good, I jump across his head and land on Grover and then Grover hisses and sometimes jumps crazily off the bed and then my mother lifts up her side of the covers and says, "Come on, Pig. Get under," and I do, even though some times she has the nerve to say it in a stern voice.

And then I wiggle myself into perfect position, reach my paw across my mom and express my bliss by purring for twenty minutes, causing my father to say to my mom, "OK, you complain about my snoring but Piggy's louder than I am and he sounds like a lawn mower and you think it's cute!"

I would have to agree. I am incredibly cute.

And loud.

Luv,

Piggy

P.S. Grover said to tell you that he has heard my mom say that even though she loves me, I can be very annoying at night. He's such a liar.

P.P.S. Grover said to tell you that he is not a liar.

We Are So Saddened

Me, looking particularly handsome.

Hi.

It's Grover, the cuter, smarter and more charismatic cat in the house (and the boss of all cats in the house, which means I am the boss of Piggy).

Piggy and I were catching up a wee bit on all our long lost cat blogging friends and we (and our mom) were so saddened to read how many of our friends have crossed The Rainbow Bridge.

We are so very sorry for the loss of all the amazingly beautiful, funny, sweet, loving and character-ful friends.

Sigh...

One thing we can say is that we are certain our own cats who have passed on, Spooky, Jade and Cheshire Cat, were all waiting at the gate and very excited for new playmates. Just watch out for Cheshire Cat! He could be really mean and that is why I called him Grumpus. But sometimes he let me snuggle up to him and that is what I focus on - the good stuff.

I never met Spooky or Jade, but I know that Jade's unfortunate passing (the vet prescribed him Valium - he had a heart murmur and mom was moving and the vet wanted him to remain calm...so mom gave Jade the Valium and not very long thereafter he died a very unpleasant death. Mom will never forgive herself for following vet's orders, which is why she is so wary of vets now - even though she loves our new vet.) had a silver lining. I never would be here living with my mom if Jade wouldn't have been called to the new stage of his being.

And so, today, along with much love to all of you and your families and all of your dear departed, I want to thank Jade for allowing me to live with my mom. And I guess I'll thank him for allowing me to live with Piggy, too, even though Piggy wasn't here then and even though I fully blame my mother for bringing that bald, fat, potato-and-mushroom smelling creature into our home.

With our deepest love and sympathy, and with joy in my heart because I just know that all our departed babies are up there romping about with no pain and no worries anymore. They are watching us, too. And purring at the memories and knowing someday we'll all be living in the same place.

Amen.

Love,

Grover

P.S. Shhhh...I really do love Piggy. Just don't tell him.

Happy New Year!

Mea culpa.

We don't know what that means, but we think it has something to do with our mom being a stinker and choosing all her other activities over updating our blog. Double harrumph.

I, Pig, had a seizure a month ago and my mom thought I was dead. Long story short, we don't yet know what is wrong with me (they think it's something intestinal/colon-related but it could just be some random weirdness - my white blood cell count is through the roof). I've yet to have another seizure and, let me tell you, my mom is thrilled about that, because she said the first one nearly killed her.

The vet told her it did not bother me at all. I, apparently, didn't even know it was happening. He told her that I can't swallow my tongue during a seizure either. The only part I recall is getting up after, walking slowly to the litter box, having diarrhea (which has not stopped, by the way) and then sitting for a while before devouring an entire bowl of food as if I'd been passed out as long as Rip Van Winkle and missed all those meals.

So, that was exciting.

Just as a point of information, if you ever have a seizure, your mom is going to love the hell out of you even more than she already did, if that is possible.

Let's just say I get away with a lot of crap I would not have gotten away with before I pulled my little stunt. Had I know this was the case, I'd have had a seizure a long time ago!

Grover wants to have a seizure now, too. He's such a copy-cat.

XO

Piggy

P.S. Grover said to say he wrote this, too, but all he did was try to squirm away as I've been sitting on his stomach the whole time I typed this. He is still squirming so I'm going to let him up before I get in trouble, because I don't think even a seizure would save me from getting into trouble for this one!

Good lord!

Sigh...

We've been gone a long time and we owe you emails and memes and all sorts of other things and all we can say right now is we are very sorry - our mom has been hogging all the PC time working on her book, as if that is more important than what WE are doing? I mean, really.

There is so much to tell you.

For one, Grover let me snuggle him one day last week. Well, he laid on my head and fell asleep and I didn't move because it was so nice.

And I lost some weight, which doesn't thrill me, but thrills my mom and the vet. This seems to be because I've been playing a lot with my KittyTease, which I love, adore and assorted other endearments. It's fun!

What else?

Oh! I almost forgot to tell you the most important thing!

I got outside! Mom left the door open while she was bringing in groceries and I walked out. Concrete is cold on my feet, but I came down the stairs anyway.

I got yelled at when mom saw me...she was scared and mad, mostly at herself because I have learned how to turn doorknobs and she hadn't realized that...now she does. She was especially upset at me for trying to go for a walk because our friend's sweet Italian Greyhound named Walter broke free from his leash and hasn't been seen since. It's very sad...

So, on that sad note, we will be back soon and catch up with ya'll. Please forgive us for our absence.

And, please stay in the house so you don't get lost, like poor Walter. Sniff. It's no fun to get yelled at, but I did get big, giant hugs so maybe getting yelled at was worth it. Not sure...


Here is a picture of Siri laughing at me when I got yelled at. Harrumph.



XO

Piggy

P.S. Grover says hi. He also says Harrumph because I didn't let him type today.

P.P.S. Hee.

Brotherly Love

Hi.

It's Grover.

Listen, I love my little brother, Pig. I do.

Even though he always bothers me and tries to pounce on me the moment I step from the litter box.

Even though he's GIANT and smells like mushrooms and potatoes.

Even though he likes to annoy me so much I have to leave the room and then he curls up in my warm spot.

Even though I still don't think he's really a cat.

Even though he never leaves the litter box without a dirty butt and mom always has to wipe him down with baby-wipes.

Even though he likes to climb into plastic bags and sleep.

Even though he licks everything and makes it soggy.

Even though he likes to play Big Pink Vampire and tries to bite my neck.

Even though one time mom was cleaning gunk out of his eyes and he licked it off the tissue and ate it before mom could stop him, and mom and I nearly threw up.

Even though he copies every thing I do and then pretends it's me who is copying him.

Even though he makes a lot of noise when he runs.

Even though he writes lies about me here for everyone to see.

Even though he has no whiskers except for one teeny tiny little thing I think might just perhaps be a whisker. Sort of.

Even though he has to take baths.

And, most importantly, even though I was so happy being an only-child before his bald, weird, stupid ass entered into the picture.

So, like I was saying, I do love my little brother, Pig.

Even when he yawns while the sun is blazing through his ears and he looks like this.


Even though it's very hard to love something that looks like that, I still do.

Love,

Grover

Go Away, Flu

It's a very good thing cats can't get the flu because our mom has been sick in bed for 11 days. I swear I heard her pray for death. That was a few days ago though, and I think she's feeling a bit better now.

Grover has been sleeping with her all day and night but I only pop in for visits a few times a day and then go sleep on the bed in the studio. She moves around too much, coughing and trying to get comfortable, then sitting up for sips of water and blowing her nose and more coughing and even moaning! Can you say DRAMA QUEEN? I'm sorry, I love my mom but I really don't like to be bothered that much when I'm trying to sleep and she makes it very hard to get comfortable against her belly if she keeps tossing about.

This morning she actually got out of bed, came to say hi to me and kiss me on my most kissable parts and then went to make herself some tea. I think this means she's getting better. I hope so. I miss sleeping against her belly but gosh, she's just too annoying right now for me to deal with.

Grover is such a little butt kisser, all snuggled up against her for 11 days, even though she's very annoying when she's sick.

Oh, I forgot to tell you that every day, along with visiting my mom in bed, I visit her when she takes a bath. I stand on the edge of the tub and lean over and lick water from her knees. She thinks this is very cute, and it is. But then, of course, Grover has to try it. He said I got it from him since he has always drunk mom's bath water, but I think he's the copy cat, not me.

Harrumph.

Separate But Equal

The motto in our house is "Separate But Equal" and in this case it means that the canine lives in the front three rooms and the felines live in the back three rooms, but we are all loved equally.

We didn't always have to live separately, but then The Incident Of Which We Shall Not Speak occurred and mom and dad decided it was not safe to keep us together.

Grover and I like to think of it as Siri being banished because he's a big stupid dog with big stupid teeth, but when no one is home, we sit on one side of the door that divides our space from his space and he sits on his side and tells us that we are the ones being banished, not him. And he tells us that we better not try to touch his food again. And he tells us that if we try to sneak into his space he will eat us.

OK, he doesn't say these things to Grover. He LIKES Grover. He doesn't like me. I don't like him either and that is why whenever I see him I try to attack him. And that is why he's banished. But he insists WE are banished.

Sometimes we believe him. Like the past two nights. Because he got to sleep in the bedroom with our parents and the bedroom is in OUR part of the apartment! We did NOT say he could go in there.

We slept outside the bedroom door all night and we could hear him in there snoring along with our dad and let me tell you, 'pissed off' does not even begin to express what Grover and I are feeling right now.

We are contemplating a proper punishment for not only our mom and dad, but for Siri, too.

I don't know who the heck he thinks he is, but if he sleeps in our bedroom again tonight, this means war!

This picture was taken way back before All Hell Broke Loose.

This gives you somewhat of a hint as to why The Incident of Which We Shall Not Speak occurred.

OK, one more hint, you didn't think a dog would tolerate getting hit in the face by a cat, would you?

OK, just one more hint...did you know that if a dog tries to bite you because you kept hitting him in the head and charging him and hissing at him, and your mom jumps between you and the dog, and she gets bit really hard and gets a bone infection that lasts for months it means the dog gets banished?

Well let this be a warning to all dogs. Do NOT mess with the cats. And do NOT bite the mom!

And stay out of our bedroom, too! This means YOU, Siri!

Frootbat Friday

Hi.

It's Grover.

Listen.

I've been invited to join Frootbat Friday so here is one of my favorite pictures of myself - me drinking my mom's bath water. This is why my mom can't use bubble bath anymore - it would make the water taste funny and we both know she only takes baths so that I can have a long, warm drink.

I prefer to drink from anything other than my water bowl.

I like to drink from the faucet, the toilet (this one always gets me in trouble but the water is so COLD!), any cup or glass of liquid I see lying about (mom usually leaves a glass full of water on the counter for me) and my favorite way to drink is to lick water off my mom's hands when she's washing dishes or brushing her teeth.

So, thanks for inviting me. I am honored to be a Frootbat (even though I never knew I was one before just now!).

Love,

Grover

P.S. Does Pig count as a Frootbat? I don't think so. We all know that bats have fur and Pig does not. I will be sure to tell him he can't join us.

--------------

Hi, it's Pig.

I am SO a Frootbat and here is a picture to prove it.

Just look at those EARS!

And, um, please don't stare at my bits. I was trying to cover them up with my tail. It didn't work.

Grover thinks he's so cute.

Last night he slept under the covers by mom's shoulder but his head stuck out and rested on the pillow like a person would sleep, and mom made a big fuss over how cute Grover looked, oh how sweet little Grover is, funny little Grover....blah blah blah blah!

Here, look at both of us.

Who's cuter?

It's ME, right?

RIGHT?!

Hi.

This is Grover.

Listen, I love peanut butter. My mom was just packing her lunch for work tomorrow and she made these things she calls "Ladybugs on a Log" that are really a combination of three of my favorite foods. Celery sticks (she peels them, we both hate the strings), stuffed with peanut butter and dotted with a few dried cranberries. If she uses raisins we call them "Ants on a Log".

I don't care what we call them, all I care about is whenever she makes some for herself she makes a teeny one for me, too.

I lick and lick the peanut butter and I chew and chew the cranberries and I lick the celery but don't chew it...it's the leaves I love the most! I could eat celery leaves three times a day if she'd give them to me. But she doesn't.

I like a lot of different kinds of people food and I've discovered that if I sit on the countertop when mom is making something and I put on my Especially-Cute-Face and gaze at her lovingly with my big green eyes, she'll usually give me a tiny taste. Oh, and sometimes I have to meow really loud to get her attention. This is how I discovered that I love cheese, meat, chicken, butter, yogurt, eggs, jicama, Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Crackers, cottage cheese, Asian Rice cracker snacks, tuna fish, Granny Smith apples...pretty much everything she lets me taste I like.

Pig is not as big a fan of people food as I am. You'd think he would be since he's such a fat Pig. He likes some things, but you'd think he loved to eat potatoes and mushrooms all the time since that is what he smells like. But he doesn't. I like to eat both of those. But I don't like that Pig smells like them, especially when he doesn't eat them. It's just too weird.

I've always been small and sinewy, and I've always eaten a lot. If I were human, I think I'd be a model, a super model. Not one of those Amazonian ones, more like a Kate Moss one. Minus the drug problem and skanky boyfriend.

I know I'm a boy, but we're talking hypothetical here so don't get all caught up in the details.

Anyway, the whole point of this is to tell you I like peanut butter. And celery. And cranberries.

Serious.

Love,

Grover

Grover and I love catnip, even though mom says it makes me a nasty drunk because sometimes I'll bite her after I play with it.

She has this big tub o' catnip that she hides in the kitchen cabinet above the sink and, of course we know it's there; we just haven't yet figured out how to knock it down so we can have as much as we want, whenever we want.

She's pretty fair about it though...she takes old socks and fills the toes with catnip and ties them up tight with the knot just to the top of the catnip and these things are FUN! One for me and one for Grover.

Grover likes to carry his up onto the counter and kick the crap out of it up there.

I prefer the floor for my own personal kick-the-shit-out-of-the-catnip-sock entertainment.

We both like to lick our catnip socks but Grover says I lick mine too much and it gets soggy and nasty and then Siri's fur sticks all over it. Why does that dog have so much FUR and why is he always leaving it everywhere!?

Mom thinks I'm the one that's a nasty drunk but it's really Grover! He thinks he's all tough after he plays with his sock and then he sneak attacks me and tries to pin me down. He says he's the big brother and I'm the little brother and I better start acting like it. He hits me hard with his back paws, but he only weighs 6 pounds and I weigh 23 pounds so he doesn't hurt me too much, usually, but sometimes he does. I never let him know he does though. No way. I don't care that he's five years older than me, I'm nearly 4 times his weight! That's right!

After we play we like to eat and then we drink water and then we nap.

Tell your mom to make you a catnip sock! It's fun! But keep your big brother away from the catnip.

Wahoo!

Guess what year it is?

That's right - the Year of the Pig!

It's all about me this year - all about the Pig.

Finally, I am getting the attention and respect I deserve.

It's about damned time.

Grover fell into the toilet today. I swear.

He flew out of there so fast that water splashed all over.

It was VERY funny...especially since I'm the only one who usually gets baths around here.

Snort!

Hi.

This is Grover.

Listen. I really like cheese. I mean, I REALLY like cheese.

And coffee. I like to lick the lid to the coffee can. It's very tasty.

I am not above sticking my head into a cup to see if there is coffee in there. If there is, I will drink some.

It's tasty.

Keeps me up at night, though.

I have to cut back.

Love,

Grover

I love to lick the catnip banana.

I lick it and lick it and lick it and it gets all wet and soggy.

Then I get really hungry and I go into the kitchen and eat and eat and eat.

Then I take a good long nap.

Then I go lick the catnip banana again.

I singed my tail on the stove.

I pretended it didn't hurt because mom is forever taking me off the stove and telling me NOT to go back up there.

I will not let her know it hurt when I accidentally stuck my tail in the fire under the pot of boiling water.

I will have NO reaction when she rubs balm into my tail to cool it off.

I will NOT let her think she was right about this.

Screw her.

P.S. Ouch.

I have been especially loving and snuggly with my mom this week.

I keep jumping in her lap, putting my paws over her shoulder and rubbing my face against hers.

At night I sleep curled against her belly under the covers.

When she's in the shower, I peek around the curtain and gaze at her adoringly and meow a lot.

I am being particularly attentive.

Probably because I have done something very bad that she has yet to discover and I'm trying to soften her up...

Something is going on.

There is a big crate in my living room.

It smells like...well, I don't know what it smells like, but the scent has been referred to as "Siri" by my mom.

I do so hope this Siri thing is not going to inhabit the crate.

If I had hair it would be standing up right now!

I love to lick butter. Grover does, too.

It is a very tasty treat.

Not quite as tasty as licking mom's plate of brisket when she's not paying attention, but rather quite luscious all the same.

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, if you sniff a piece of cotton, sometimes it sticks to your nose and you can't get it off and you run around shaking your head like crazy and you bump into a wall and fall and then you bite and scratch your mom when she tries to hold you still to pull the piece of cotton off your nose and then you run away and you are breathing so heavy now you almost inhale the piece of cotton and you start snorting and finally your mom grabs you and pulls the cotton off your nose and puts you back on the floor.

I'm just sayin'.

Love,

Grover

Hi.

It's Grover.

Listen, I am not the one who made the pillow cases all dirty and smudgy.

That was Piggy.

He does not know how to leave the litterbox with a clean butt.

I do.

Piggy = Dirty Butt.

Grover = Clean Butt.

It was NOT me who dirtied the bed!

Serious.

Love,

Grover

I like to sit on the stove, especially when something is cooking and it's all warm and cozy and what not.

I particularly like it when the tea pot is full of water that is boiling and steam is pouring out the spout. I put my face right there with my chin high in the air and I just LOVE it!

I do not understand why my mom makes me stop. I haven't gotten burned yet, but she keeps saying I will if I don't cut it out.

She has NO idea what she's talking about or how good it feels to have steam on my face or how mad I get when she makes me stop!

Harrumph.

Yo, mom!

It's insulting to say as you clean our litterbox, "Ewwww! What the fuck have you cats been eating??????"

Thank you.

Week in review thus far.

One little black pottery bowl from Istanbul. Broken.

One little cream colored handmade bowl from a potter in New Jersey. Broken.

One white coffee cup. Broken.

I'd say it's been a pretty productive week and it's only Thursday.

The best time to express your love is at 3:00 in the morning.

And, the best way to express your love is by purring.

LOUDLY.

At 3:00 in the morning, the house is very quite so your purrs sound extra loud, even though they already sound like an idling Mac truck to start with.

Make sure you also pat your mom on her face with your paws every three minutes or so, just when you think she's fallen back to sleep.

Alternate that with licks on her eyelashes.

Ignore her when she says, "Piggy! Go to sleep!" and tries to hold you close.

Do not be fooled by her affection. She is just trying to contain your exuberance.

Keep purring and patting and licking her.

She will appreciate being shown just how very much you adore her.

Serious.

Mom wanted to know why I kept sticking my paw under the front door.

So, she opened the door to see what was out there and I dove out so freaking fast she didn't even have time to stop me.

The reason I've been sticking my paw under the door is there is a GIRL CAT out there and she's been tormenting me for DAYS!

I jumped on her, hard, all 23 pounds of me - and I started to pummel her and mom screamed at me and had to pull me off.

Then I got yelled at and tossed back into the house while mom went to make sure the girl cat was OK.

Mom said, "How can a cat with no fur who couldn't even survive outside and loves to snuggle be so freaking mean?"

I'm not mean. I'm just territorial.

Very.

And if that girl cat knows what is good for her, she won't be coming 'round my door no more.

Because I will kick her ass again.

Serious.

I haven't been here in a month.

I've been very busy.

I had toys to play with, food to eat, a litter box to dirty.

I had bugs to kills, Grover to beat up and cheese to sneak off my mom's plate.

I had dirty paw prints to leave all over the bathroom, a bottle of cranberry juice to break and spill all over the floor and a plastic bag to get tangled up in.

I had a beaded earring to steal (hee hee, no one has found it yet!) and a sweater to shred and a lightbulb to break.

I had to get used to sleeping under the covers again (it's COLD!).

I also had to get used to something new - I got some hair! Well, not hair really, more like little tiny stubbly bits. I know, I know, how scary. Don't worry, they'll fall out soon.

So, you see, I've been very busy.

But now I'm back.

Hi.

Ah, cool weather!

My favorite time of year!

I get to climb under the covers with my mom at night and sweat and make us both all sticky.

WAHOO!

Oh my gosh! The most amazing thing has happened to me!

My brother Rocky has found me!

I know, I know, it's unbelievable. Two years after we were born and went home with our own moms, he tracked me down.

And he even forgives me for torturing him when we were kittens!

Oh, he is gorgeous! Looks just like me, but is only half my size (I can't help it, I'm big boned!). Also, I have a dark patch on the tip of my nose and he has a dark patch to the right of his instead.

Oh, I wish you could see him - he is so very cute. His mom is named Lisa and he has her wrapped around his little paw just like I have my mom wrapped around mine. These humans, such suckers!

And, guess what?

He wears CLOTHES. I'm serious. I saw him in a Hawaiian shirt and in a costume. He told me he was rather embarrassed by it and from the look on his face (that same look of utter disdain I give my mom after she wipes my butt with baby wipes) I'd say he was telling the truth. But he looks awfully adorable!

I also saw him sitting on Santa's lap.

I wonder if Santa brought him presents?

Suddenly I'm thinking I may have been given to the wrong mom...

This morning I got sneak attacked!

Usually I get my bath in the kitchen sink - and I'm wise, so when I see my mom taking the scrubby gloves out of the bathroom and the baby shampoo out of the closet and putting a towel down on the floor, I run and hide under the bed.

This buys me at least a half hour more before I eventually get dumped in the dreaded sink, but at least it's a bit of a break.

Anyway, so today, this morning actually, my mom was in the shower and, as I always do, I jumped on the tub and walked around the back and peeked into the curtain.

And, the bitch grabbed me!!!

And took me in the shower with her!!!

And, she had her scrubby gloves on already!

I could NOT believe it.

She knelt down with me and scrubbed me all over and tried to talk all soothing-like to me, but I was not fooled. Harrumph.

I have to say, it wasn't really so horrible. I mean, the shower wasn't hitting me or anything, but I freaked at one point. Baths are bad enough, but SHOWERS?

So, I freaked and jumped out of the tub and she had to chase me, both of us all wet and naked, across the kitchen.

Well, she got what she deserved.

But, of course, she caught me.

Then I got rinsed off and dried in a big, white towel.

Then I cleaned myself with my tongue for the next forty-five minutes until I felt like me again.

At least I know tonight I won't be getting a bath.

But she's got another thing coming if she thinks I'm peeking at her in the shower again.

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen. I eat the same food Piglet does.

And I am not a stinker, no matter what he says.

Harrumph.

Love,

Grover

My favorite blanket is blue and black plaid and I love it.

I like to drag it under the computer chair and curl up in it.

Sometimes I drag it over by the bookcase and curl up there.

And, if I see Grover curled up on it I chase him off and curl up in his warm spot.

It's MINE!

I don't know what Grover's been eating, but he just pooped and I had to run from the room! Sheesh!

Me and Grover keep smelling each other's butts.

I mean, a LOT.

So much so, that mom came over and checked both our butts to make sure nothing bad was going on down there.

It's not and we were both pretty insulted with the scrutinizing.

It's just really fun to butt sniff and you get a lot of information about a cat that way.

I have officially declared today "Butt Smelling Day".

Go smell a butt!

You'll learn something new every day!

You can say what you want about me and Grover hating each other, but when he's standing there hacking up a hairball, who's right beside him licking his head?

That's right. ME!

OK. I have discovered a new way of sitting.

It is very relaxing and soothing.

I think you should all try it right now.

It looks like this.

XO

Piggy

Today I woke up at 5am and wanted to play.

I jumped off the bed and went to the closet to get my favorite fishing pole toy.

I was having a hard time getting it out of the closet, so Grover came to help me.

Neither one of us could get it out though - it must have been caught on something.

Grover went into the closet to investigate at the same time mom got out of bed, said "No, Piggy. It's not playtime." She firmly shut the closet door and I got back into bed and we went to sleep.

About an hour later we heard a scratching sound coming from the closet. We both sat up and looked at the closet door. Then mom looked at Grover's pillow and noticed he wasn't there.

"Oh, Grover!" she said and opened the door and he got all sorts of kisses and hugs.

Harrumph.

I can't figure out why it took the stupid furry thing a whole hour to complain about being locked in there!

Maybe he fell asleep in there like I did once on that pile of snowboarding clothes.

Hmmm...maybe it's more comfortable in there than on the bed.

I'm going to have to try it out!

I am back to sleeping in the bed with Grover and my mom.

I didn't have a choice - it was either get back in bed or let Grover gloat about how HE gets to sleep against mom's belly every night.

And you know I don't want to be hearing that.

Serious.

I have not slept in the bed in a few days and my mom is sad.

I don't know why I haven't. Maybe it's the fan. Maybe it's the AC. Maybe I'm just feeling cranky. I really don't know.

However, I still make sure to come into the bedroom in the middle of the night, jump on the bed, wake up Grover and make him get off the bed before I go back to sleep on the chair in the studio.

Why should he be comfortable if I can't be?
Harrumph.

I'm cranky.

I had a bath last night.

The whole works - ears, nails, etc.

I'm getting sick of it.

Grover never has to take baths. Not once since I've known him as he been stuck in the big kitchen sink and rubbed all over with scrubby gloves and Baby Shampoo.

But me, happens all the damned time!

Not fair.

I do not like the fan blowing on me.

I had to sleep in the studio last night because it was annoying my ears.

And, Grover, if you are reading this, I know you snuck under the covers into my spot against mom's belly and I'm not happy about it.

Tonight, fan or no fan, I am sleeping there, so don't get any ideas!

I like rolling.

It's fun.

I roll on my back and then I lay there with my paws in the air and my neck bent all funny and then I swish myself back and forth like a fish out of water.

I like to wag my tail. Sometimes it forms a giant question mark. I like to hit things with it, particularly Grover.

I like to chew on hair clips.

Or just hair.
 
XO
 
Piggy

Hi

This is Grover.

Listen, Piggy is a brat.

Last night I was sleeping all nicely and what not next to my mom and at 2:00 in the morning Piggy wakes up and starts romping around.

So of course, he has to jump on me and wake me up and make me get off the bed, too.

Then we started playing with the crinkle ball.

Then mom got up and hid the crinkle ball in the basket in the bathroom (we saw where you put it!).

Then we started rolling around in the studio.

Then we got squirted with the squirt bottle.

Then mom got really mad and screamed, "Grover! Piggy! STOP IT!"

Notice how she said MY name first, as if I had anything to do with it.

I got lucky though, because a few minutes later, after we had knocked over the garbage can and I started hissing loudly, she got up, grabbed Piggy and took him into bed with her. She held him tight and said, "NOW STAY HERE AND GO TO SLEEP!"

Then she said, "Grover, get up here and go to bed."

So I did. Because I'm a good boy, not a bad boy.

Piggy's face was full of disdain as she held him there.

And I just smiled and went to sleep.

Love,

Grover

Cherry tomatoes still on the vine.

They are fun.

And cute.

And, I must look especially adorable sleeping next to them, because I didn't even get yelled at for carrying some into my mom's bed and curling up around them.

I like the little wire twisties that come on loaves of bread.

I untwist them from the bread myself and take them over to my blue plaid blanket where I chew and chew and chew...

Until my mom realizes what it is I'm eating and then she takes it away because she thinks I'll get poked with the wire or choke on the thing.

Good thing she doesn't know about the secret stash of them I've got under the bed.

I had a bath today.

And my ears cleaned.

And my nails clipped.

And my eyes wiped.

And I got yelled at because I knocked the lamp over and the bulb broke.

Some days nothing goes my way.

Harrumph.

Oh my gosh! The BIGGEST THING EVER was on the wall near the ceiling!

I was napping all comfy-like on the computer monitor and this thing was so freaking gigantic it actually woke me up with the noise it made as it undulated along the wall.

It was HUGE!

My mom saw me wake up and stand up and stare (I'm sort of like a Pointer dog that way) and she screamed.

I was so excited because I thought for sure she'd let me kill it for her, but no.

She ran into the kitchen and got her camera and a big can of Raid.

I don't know if she got any good pictures of the creature, but she sprayed so much Raid that the house smells like a chemical factory.

Then she was on the floor with Clorox Bleach Wipes, picking up bug carcass and cleaning any Raid residue and telling us to stay away.

She ruined all the fun!

I like the little silver balloon on a stick.

It is fun to play soccer with.

I pick up the stick in my mouth and carry the balloon around with me. I like to take it into the bed.

I like to look at my face in the reflective surface of the balloon.

I am a handsome devil.

There is a fly in here and he's driving me CRAZY!

He teases me. He taunts me.

He flies right near me and I bat at him and almost hit him, but then he sits just high enough on the wall where I can't catch him.

Bastard.

You just wait, fly.

You just wait...

I like to jump on the windowsill and wrap myself up in the long, muslin curtains.

I do this all the time and I think I look really cute all snug as a bug in a rug.

Yesterday though, I got a bit over-zealous in my twisting about and I pulled the curtains down.

Then I had to go meow loudly at my mom to fix them.

She's good like that.

I was spared a bath this morning because there is no hot water!
Ha ha!!!

You need to know this.

Do NOT lick the bar of soap.

Serious.

The grocery delivery man took one look at me and asked, "Is that a dog or a cat?"

My mom said, "He's a cat.

The man said, "He's got a big belly."

If I could talk I'd tell him he's got a pretty big belly himself!

I'm SUPPOSED to have a pot belly. It's my breed's standard and I live up to it fully.

Harrumph.

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, does anyone want a pot-bellied, pink, bald, so-called cat?

He drives me crazy with his constant need to bother me and pounce on me.

I should also warn you that he smells like mushrooms and potatoes. Maybe you won't mind that.

He also likes to lick stuff, especially me.

He gets stuck in high places because he has to follow me everywhere I go, but he's too much of a big lug to get himself back down.

He is very good at catching spiders and he is a strong wrestler.

He is also good at making sure I'm OK when I'm coughing up a hairball, which is something he never gets because he doesn't have any hair.

He can be very warm and snuggly sometimes, when he's not being a big, evil brat.

He learns well, too - like, I taught him how to knock things off of shelves and tables and he's really good at it now.

And, he's a very good at tipping over garbage cans and stealing used Q-tips from them.

Hmmmm, on second thought, you can't have him.

He's mine.

Love,

Grover

I wake up every morning at 3 o'clock.

I don't know why.

But it's very annoying.

I have to run around like crazy trying to tire myself out.

Doesn't work.

I have to paw at my mom and pounce on Grover until the urge to sleep returns.

That's usually about 6 o'clock.

Just when my mom has to get out of bed.

Darn.

Hi:

It's Grover.

Happy Birthday Piggy! You are two years old today. I bet you didn't even remember it was your birthday.

Even though you forgot my birthday last week (I turned 6 and I will always be older and smarter than you!), and you smell like mushrooms and potatoes, and you like to torment me, I still love you.

I just wish you didn't actually live here all the time.

Love,

Grover

Usually, I get my bath at night.

I hate it.

But today I got one this morning.

You know what though? It's so damned hot in this place I didn't even mind when my mom called me sweaty and stuck me in the sink.

This morning I discovered I really like peanut butter and rose jam on wheat bread.

But I had to drink a whole bowl of water afterwards.

Now Grover says I smell like peanuts, instead of his usual comment that I smell like mushrooms and potatoes.

I really enjoy licking...myself, my mom, Grover when he lets me, the catnip banana, the computer monitor, the scratching post, the windowsill, the floor, the blue and white striped rug under the desk chair, the stove, the bathtub, the round silver mirror, the cell phone, plates that had food on them.

Licking. It's good.

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, I don't know why no matter where I am sleeping, Piglet has to jump on me and scare me, but I am sick of it.

He did it again in the middle of the night last night. I was sleeping very comfortably on two pillows and he just gallumps onto me like a big horse and scares me.

As soon as I ran away, he went back to his usual spot against mom's stomach and went to sleep.

He's a brat.

Serious.

Love,

Grover

Yesterday it was so hot that me and Grover didn't even want to move.

Grover said we couldn't just lay here and do nothing. He thought we should protest the heat.

So, we did.

First, we knocked over the big cup of tea that mom had left undrunk on the kitchen table. It was especially fun because the white curtains had blown onto the kitchen table and they got totally soaked in the tea. Tea ran across the table and onto the chair and raced across the floor. It got really sticky later, but we kind of liked how it felt and we also liked the little sticky paw prints we left all over the kitchen and bathroom floors.

Then, we went into the studio and knocked over all the cups of pencils and pens and crayons and markers. Then we played with them, mostly knocking them under the computer desk. I made sure to chew on almost all the pencils. Tasty.

Then, we went into the living room and knocked the heart milagros off the wall.

And, of course, we kicked litter from the litter box all over the floor.

We were very tired when we were finished, but I think we got our point across because it's much cooler in here today.

It is so hot in here that I think I should climb into a roasting pan and stick an apple in my mouth.

Just because I swoon when I hear my mom sing me Barry Manilow's 'I Can't Smile Without You' does not mean I'm a big old sap, no matter what Grover says.

We had a visitor this weekend. I really liked him and I curled up on his stomach while he read on the couch.

Then he went to sleep and I climbed under the covers and went to sleep, too.

I thought everything was going really well between us, until about 3 o'clock in the morning when he INSISTED on moving around and disturbed me so much I had to get up and go into the bedroom to sleep with my mom.

These humans, they just don't get it. I'm King of the Universe, not them.

Sheesh.

As far as I am concerned, this is an insult to Sphynxs everywhere.

Harrumph!

I like to chew on Q-tips.
I like how they bounce.
I like the fuzzy stuff on the ends.
Mom said I'm not allowed to play with Q-tips because I might choke on them.
But I always find where she hides them.
I cannot be stopped!

Hi:

This is Grover.

Me and Piggy played with a giant roach!!!

Oh my gosh, it was so much fun!!! We must have played with it for two hours before it stopped running around.

And, really, it was very good of us to do, as our mom is not a fan of prehistoric creatures running around her kitchen.

We did leave its crunchy carcass outside the bathroom door though, so she couldn't miss it.

She screamed when she saw it, then kissed us and told us we were very good boys for killing it and saving her the trauma.

She picked it up in a pink-flowered paper towel and threw it out, all the while making a disgusted face.

That made me think we did the right thing by leaving it outside the bathroom instead of bringing it to her in bed.

Love,

Grover

I caught a spider but I wasn't allowed to eat it. Rats!

Hmmmm...I wish there were rats. I'm in the mood for a good battle!

Lying in the sun is very good.

Lying in the sun after you just ate fresh tuna is very, very good.

Lying in the sun next to Grover, who didn't get to eat any fresh tuna, and telling him about it, is very, very, very good.

I do not care if you've already played with me and my favorite toy for three hours.

I want MORE!

Question: What is the most comfortable place in the house to take a nap?

Answer: Any place Grover is sleeping!

Is it my fault if he hisses and swats and runs away as soon as I try to lay next to him?

Anyway, when he runs away, I curl up in his warm spot for a good nap.

Yet another bath yesterday.

This time I escaped!!!

I waited until I was all wet and soapy and slippery, then I gripped the edge of the sink with my claws and leaped right out of mom's hands like a wet sausage!

It worked!!!

I ran across the kitchen floor and made it all the way into the living room before mom caught me.

Hee hee.

Today I learned that if I am going to sneak something out of the garbage bag and eat it and not get caught, it better not be the day-old cinnamon rolls.

Six hours later and I still smell like a bakery.

I heard my mom ask if I must poop in the box every single time she has just finished cleaning it.

Yes, yes I must.

I do NOT like to get my ears cleaned.

I do, however, like to steal dirty Q-tips from the garbage and chew on them.

Yum.

Today I dragged a blanket under the chair and made a tent and climbed in and went to sleep.

Now if my mom would shut up about how cute I am, I could maybe get some rest.

Lookit!

I'm a star!

I just had a bath on Saturday but I was in the kitchen a second ago and saw my mom getting the baby shampoo out again!

I am going to hide!

I met our neighbors and they asked if I was a dog.

Harumph.

Ok, so how was I supposed to know the apple crisp just sitting there on a plate wasn't for me to lick? Geez...

10:30 am - Wake up from a good night's sleep. Eat some food. Drink some water.

10:35 am - Poop.

10:35 am - Have my butt wiped with babywipes.

10:36 am - Reclean my butt with my tongue.

10:38 am - Burrow under the covers for a nap.

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, every time I get comfortable someplace, Piglet comes over and annoys me so much I have to jump off. Then, he curls up in my warm spot and goes to sleep.

He's a jerkstore.

Love,

Grover

I turn in circles at least three times before I settle down to sleep. This is important to do, because it's important to be very comfortable and sometimes it takes a while until you know just what exactly will make you comfortable.

I love sitting on the windowsill in the sun. I also love licking the paint off the windowsill, but I keep getting yelled at for that.

Hi:

It's me, Grover.

Listen, Piggy is a bully. He's three times my size and he is always bothering me and taunting me.

I discovered that if I jump on him from the back and bite his neck while howling at him, he is rendered pretty much defenseless.

Of course, then I get yelled at for hurting him, but he deserves it.

Love,

Grover

All day today, Grover kept trying to ride me like a horse.

He kept making this loud screaming sound and mom got pissed off.

Grover is a freak today.

Serious.

I puked two times. I hate puking.

Before I puke, I cry.

After I puke, I feel better.

But I really hate puking.

Mom's been sleeping on the couch where I like to be. I had to shove myself in there so I could take my nap, too.

What a hog.

Today there was a cat outside the bathroom window. We live on the third floor so I'm not sure how he got up there, but he did.

He was striped and he hissed at us and we do not like him.

He better go away.

Hi:

It's me, Grover.

I have been keeping very good watch over my mom's foot. I sleep on it. If anyone tries to touch it or me, I hiss at them.

It's hard to be a guard cat, but someone's got to do it.

Love,

Grover

It is so nice to have our mom home all day, every day, for endless, endless days.

We're not so sure she thinks so, but we are loving the all-day snugfest!

I'm getting a bath later and I'm none too pleased with the idea.

I'm going to find a very good hiding place!

I was cleaning my butt today and I oinked.

I did not want to get up today.

I can't wait until my mom leaves for work because then it will be quiet here again and I can go back to sleep.

Hi.

It's Grover.

I like licking the icing from chocolate cupcakes.

And, this time, I made sure to clean my whiskers well so no one knew it was me who did it.

Hee.

Love,

Grover

Grover taught me to drink from cups.

It's fun.

Every time mom leaves the kitchen and there is a cup with something tasty in it, Grover and I jump on the table and drink some.

We jump down before mom comes back so she never knows!