Hi

This is Grover.

Listen, Piggy is a brat.

Last night I was sleeping all nicely and what not next to my mom and at 2:00 in the morning Piggy wakes up and starts romping around.

So of course, he has to jump on me and wake me up and make me get off the bed, too.

Then we started playing with the crinkle ball.

Then mom got up and hid the crinkle ball in the basket in the bathroom (we saw where you put it!).

Then we started rolling around in the studio.

Then we got squirted with the squirt bottle.

Then mom got really mad and screamed, "Grover! Piggy! STOP IT!"

Notice how she said MY name first, as if I had anything to do with it.

I got lucky though, because a few minutes later, after we had knocked over the garbage can and I started hissing loudly, she got up, grabbed Piggy and took him into bed with her. She held him tight and said, "NOW STAY HERE AND GO TO SLEEP!"

Then she said, "Grover, get up here and go to bed."

So I did. Because I'm a good boy, not a bad boy.

Piggy's face was full of disdain as she held him there.

And I just smiled and went to sleep.

Love,

Grover

Cherry tomatoes still on the vine.

They are fun.

And cute.

And, I must look especially adorable sleeping next to them, because I didn't even get yelled at for carrying some into my mom's bed and curling up around them.

I like the little wire twisties that come on loaves of bread.

I untwist them from the bread myself and take them over to my blue plaid blanket where I chew and chew and chew...

Until my mom realizes what it is I'm eating and then she takes it away because she thinks I'll get poked with the wire or choke on the thing.

Good thing she doesn't know about the secret stash of them I've got under the bed.

I had a bath today.

And my ears cleaned.

And my nails clipped.

And my eyes wiped.

And I got yelled at because I knocked the lamp over and the bulb broke.

Some days nothing goes my way.

Harrumph.

Oh my gosh! The BIGGEST THING EVER was on the wall near the ceiling!

I was napping all comfy-like on the computer monitor and this thing was so freaking gigantic it actually woke me up with the noise it made as it undulated along the wall.

It was HUGE!

My mom saw me wake up and stand up and stare (I'm sort of like a Pointer dog that way) and she screamed.

I was so excited because I thought for sure she'd let me kill it for her, but no.

She ran into the kitchen and got her camera and a big can of Raid.

I don't know if she got any good pictures of the creature, but she sprayed so much Raid that the house smells like a chemical factory.

Then she was on the floor with Clorox Bleach Wipes, picking up bug carcass and cleaning any Raid residue and telling us to stay away.

She ruined all the fun!

I like the little silver balloon on a stick.

It is fun to play soccer with.

I pick up the stick in my mouth and carry the balloon around with me. I like to take it into the bed.

I like to look at my face in the reflective surface of the balloon.

I am a handsome devil.

There is a fly in here and he's driving me CRAZY!

He teases me. He taunts me.

He flies right near me and I bat at him and almost hit him, but then he sits just high enough on the wall where I can't catch him.

Bastard.

You just wait, fly.

You just wait...

I like to jump on the windowsill and wrap myself up in the long, muslin curtains.

I do this all the time and I think I look really cute all snug as a bug in a rug.

Yesterday though, I got a bit over-zealous in my twisting about and I pulled the curtains down.

Then I had to go meow loudly at my mom to fix them.

She's good like that.

I was spared a bath this morning because there is no hot water!
Ha ha!!!

You need to know this.

Do NOT lick the bar of soap.

Serious.

The grocery delivery man took one look at me and asked, "Is that a dog or a cat?"

My mom said, "He's a cat.

The man said, "He's got a big belly."

If I could talk I'd tell him he's got a pretty big belly himself!

I'm SUPPOSED to have a pot belly. It's my breed's standard and I live up to it fully.

Harrumph.

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, does anyone want a pot-bellied, pink, bald, so-called cat?

He drives me crazy with his constant need to bother me and pounce on me.

I should also warn you that he smells like mushrooms and potatoes. Maybe you won't mind that.

He also likes to lick stuff, especially me.

He gets stuck in high places because he has to follow me everywhere I go, but he's too much of a big lug to get himself back down.

He is very good at catching spiders and he is a strong wrestler.

He is also good at making sure I'm OK when I'm coughing up a hairball, which is something he never gets because he doesn't have any hair.

He can be very warm and snuggly sometimes, when he's not being a big, evil brat.

He learns well, too - like, I taught him how to knock things off of shelves and tables and he's really good at it now.

And, he's a very good at tipping over garbage cans and stealing used Q-tips from them.

Hmmmm, on second thought, you can't have him.

He's mine.

Love,

Grover

I wake up every morning at 3 o'clock.

I don't know why.

But it's very annoying.

I have to run around like crazy trying to tire myself out.

Doesn't work.

I have to paw at my mom and pounce on Grover until the urge to sleep returns.

That's usually about 6 o'clock.

Just when my mom has to get out of bed.

Darn.

Hi:

It's Grover.

Happy Birthday Piggy! You are two years old today. I bet you didn't even remember it was your birthday.

Even though you forgot my birthday last week (I turned 6 and I will always be older and smarter than you!), and you smell like mushrooms and potatoes, and you like to torment me, I still love you.

I just wish you didn't actually live here all the time.

Love,

Grover

Usually, I get my bath at night.

I hate it.

But today I got one this morning.

You know what though? It's so damned hot in this place I didn't even mind when my mom called me sweaty and stuck me in the sink.

This morning I discovered I really like peanut butter and rose jam on wheat bread.

But I had to drink a whole bowl of water afterwards.

Now Grover says I smell like peanuts, instead of his usual comment that I smell like mushrooms and potatoes.

I really enjoy licking...myself, my mom, Grover when he lets me, the catnip banana, the computer monitor, the scratching post, the windowsill, the floor, the blue and white striped rug under the desk chair, the stove, the bathtub, the round silver mirror, the cell phone, plates that had food on them.

Licking. It's good.

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, I don't know why no matter where I am sleeping, Piglet has to jump on me and scare me, but I am sick of it.

He did it again in the middle of the night last night. I was sleeping very comfortably on two pillows and he just gallumps onto me like a big horse and scares me.

As soon as I ran away, he went back to his usual spot against mom's stomach and went to sleep.

He's a brat.

Serious.

Love,

Grover

Yesterday it was so hot that me and Grover didn't even want to move.

Grover said we couldn't just lay here and do nothing. He thought we should protest the heat.

So, we did.

First, we knocked over the big cup of tea that mom had left undrunk on the kitchen table. It was especially fun because the white curtains had blown onto the kitchen table and they got totally soaked in the tea. Tea ran across the table and onto the chair and raced across the floor. It got really sticky later, but we kind of liked how it felt and we also liked the little sticky paw prints we left all over the kitchen and bathroom floors.

Then, we went into the studio and knocked over all the cups of pencils and pens and crayons and markers. Then we played with them, mostly knocking them under the computer desk. I made sure to chew on almost all the pencils. Tasty.

Then, we went into the living room and knocked the heart milagros off the wall.

And, of course, we kicked litter from the litter box all over the floor.

We were very tired when we were finished, but I think we got our point across because it's much cooler in here today.

It is so hot in here that I think I should climb into a roasting pan and stick an apple in my mouth.

Just because I swoon when I hear my mom sing me Barry Manilow's 'I Can't Smile Without You' does not mean I'm a big old sap, no matter what Grover says.

We had a visitor this weekend. I really liked him and I curled up on his stomach while he read on the couch.

Then he went to sleep and I climbed under the covers and went to sleep, too.

I thought everything was going really well between us, until about 3 o'clock in the morning when he INSISTED on moving around and disturbed me so much I had to get up and go into the bedroom to sleep with my mom.

These humans, they just don't get it. I'm King of the Universe, not them.

Sheesh.

As far as I am concerned, this is an insult to Sphynxs everywhere.

Harrumph!

I like to chew on Q-tips.
I like how they bounce.
I like the fuzzy stuff on the ends.
Mom said I'm not allowed to play with Q-tips because I might choke on them.
But I always find where she hides them.
I cannot be stopped!

Hi:

This is Grover.

Me and Piggy played with a giant roach!!!

Oh my gosh, it was so much fun!!! We must have played with it for two hours before it stopped running around.

And, really, it was very good of us to do, as our mom is not a fan of prehistoric creatures running around her kitchen.

We did leave its crunchy carcass outside the bathroom door though, so she couldn't miss it.

She screamed when she saw it, then kissed us and told us we were very good boys for killing it and saving her the trauma.

She picked it up in a pink-flowered paper towel and threw it out, all the while making a disgusted face.

That made me think we did the right thing by leaving it outside the bathroom instead of bringing it to her in bed.

Love,

Grover

I caught a spider but I wasn't allowed to eat it. Rats!

Hmmmm...I wish there were rats. I'm in the mood for a good battle!

Lying in the sun is very good.

Lying in the sun after you just ate fresh tuna is very, very good.

Lying in the sun next to Grover, who didn't get to eat any fresh tuna, and telling him about it, is very, very, very good.

I do not care if you've already played with me and my favorite toy for three hours.

I want MORE!

Question: What is the most comfortable place in the house to take a nap?

Answer: Any place Grover is sleeping!

Is it my fault if he hisses and swats and runs away as soon as I try to lay next to him?

Anyway, when he runs away, I curl up in his warm spot for a good nap.

Yet another bath yesterday.

This time I escaped!!!

I waited until I was all wet and soapy and slippery, then I gripped the edge of the sink with my claws and leaped right out of mom's hands like a wet sausage!

It worked!!!

I ran across the kitchen floor and made it all the way into the living room before mom caught me.

Hee hee.

Today I learned that if I am going to sneak something out of the garbage bag and eat it and not get caught, it better not be the day-old cinnamon rolls.

Six hours later and I still smell like a bakery.

I heard my mom ask if I must poop in the box every single time she has just finished cleaning it.

Yes, yes I must.

I do NOT like to get my ears cleaned.

I do, however, like to steal dirty Q-tips from the garbage and chew on them.

Yum.

Today I dragged a blanket under the chair and made a tent and climbed in and went to sleep.

Now if my mom would shut up about how cute I am, I could maybe get some rest.

Lookit!

I'm a star!

I just had a bath on Saturday but I was in the kitchen a second ago and saw my mom getting the baby shampoo out again!

I am going to hide!

I met our neighbors and they asked if I was a dog.

Harumph.

Ok, so how was I supposed to know the apple crisp just sitting there on a plate wasn't for me to lick? Geez...

10:30 am - Wake up from a good night's sleep. Eat some food. Drink some water.

10:35 am - Poop.

10:35 am - Have my butt wiped with babywipes.

10:36 am - Reclean my butt with my tongue.

10:38 am - Burrow under the covers for a nap.

Hi:

It's Grover.

Listen, every time I get comfortable someplace, Piglet comes over and annoys me so much I have to jump off. Then, he curls up in my warm spot and goes to sleep.

He's a jerkstore.

Love,

Grover

I turn in circles at least three times before I settle down to sleep. This is important to do, because it's important to be very comfortable and sometimes it takes a while until you know just what exactly will make you comfortable.

I love sitting on the windowsill in the sun. I also love licking the paint off the windowsill, but I keep getting yelled at for that.

Hi:

It's me, Grover.

Listen, Piggy is a bully. He's three times my size and he is always bothering me and taunting me.

I discovered that if I jump on him from the back and bite his neck while howling at him, he is rendered pretty much defenseless.

Of course, then I get yelled at for hurting him, but he deserves it.

Love,

Grover

All day today, Grover kept trying to ride me like a horse.

He kept making this loud screaming sound and mom got pissed off.

Grover is a freak today.

Serious.

I puked two times. I hate puking.

Before I puke, I cry.

After I puke, I feel better.

But I really hate puking.

Mom's been sleeping on the couch where I like to be. I had to shove myself in there so I could take my nap, too.

What a hog.

Today there was a cat outside the bathroom window. We live on the third floor so I'm not sure how he got up there, but he did.

He was striped and he hissed at us and we do not like him.

He better go away.

Hi:

It's me, Grover.

I have been keeping very good watch over my mom's foot. I sleep on it. If anyone tries to touch it or me, I hiss at them.

It's hard to be a guard cat, but someone's got to do it.

Love,

Grover

It is so nice to have our mom home all day, every day, for endless, endless days.

We're not so sure she thinks so, but we are loving the all-day snugfest!

I'm getting a bath later and I'm none too pleased with the idea.

I'm going to find a very good hiding place!

I was cleaning my butt today and I oinked.

I did not want to get up today.

I can't wait until my mom leaves for work because then it will be quiet here again and I can go back to sleep.

Hi.

It's Grover.

I like licking the icing from chocolate cupcakes.

And, this time, I made sure to clean my whiskers well so no one knew it was me who did it.

Hee.

Love,

Grover

Grover taught me to drink from cups.

It's fun.

Every time mom leaves the kitchen and there is a cup with something tasty in it, Grover and I jump on the table and drink some.

We jump down before mom comes back so she never knows!

Hi.

This is Grover.

Piggy licked my head this morning.

Hee.

Love,

Grover

I know we should be thankful for all these pretty new toys.

The thing is, I don't care what the package says, I'm telling you, some of those catnip toys are full of leaves for sure, but not catnip leaves.

They don't smell like it, they don't taste like it, and they don't make me hungry and sleepy like it either.

The catnip banana is the best toy. I'm going to lick it now.

I like to chew hair.

The other night I was sleeping on the bed and Grover jumped up and laid down behind me and put his chin on my back and fell asleep. I pretended I didn't notice.

But I did notice! I think he is starting to like me!

Note to mom:

We love catnip! Get us more!

Love,

Grover and Piggy

Hi:

It's Grover.

I just want Piggy to know that I found the catnip banana stuffed under the couch.

Good hiding place, dork.

Love,

Grover

Don't sniff the roach spray. Just don't.

We've been getting a lot of new toys lately.

The other day we got a catnip banana. Oh my gosh, it is so fun!!

I thought it was for me alone so I licked it and licked it and it got all soggy and Grover told me I was disgusting.

I told him to get his own catnip banana.

Then he jumped on me. So I smacked him, hard. Then he grabbed the banana and ran away with it and started rubbing his face against it. But I pounced on him and got it back.

When he wasn't looking I hid it so that he couldn't steal it anymore. Guess where?

The litterbox!

The only problem with not having whiskers is this morning when I stuck my head into a big orange mug to sniff what was in it, I got a noseful of tea.

Hi:

This is Grover.

Listen, I know the red dot is coming from something my mom holds in her hand.

I am not an idiot.

But Piggy is.

Bye.

Love,

Grover

New toys! We got new toys!!!!

My favorite is this little red dot thing that runs all over the place and up walls. I know it's not a mouse because me and Grover used to kill those and this isn't at all like they were. Doesn't make any sound either.

I don't think it's a bug because when I hit it with my paw I don't feel it and when I lick it it doesn't taste like anything but the wall or floor or chair or whatever it was sitting on.

I have no idea what it is, but it is FUN!

Listen, I'm a Sphynx and that is why I sometimes leave a brown spot where my back touches the wall behind the computer monitor when I've laid there for a few hours.

It's not my fault.

So stop laughing about it.

Hi:

This is Grover.

Piggy likes to lick our scratching post.

He is weird.

He makes it all soggy.

Love

Grover

La Vie En Rose sung by Madelaine Peyroux is my new favorite song. I fall asleep as soon as I hear it.

I wish I could explain why I only like to go in the big kitchen sink if I'm NOT getting bath.

It's a fun place to play and sometimes there are puddles.

But I only like it when I'm NOT having a bath in it.

I think the worst part about having a bath is the being wet part.

I like the baby soap though. It makes me smell delicious.

But I think I smell good all the time anyway.

So does my mom.

Grover thinks I smell like mushrooms and potatoes.

He's always mentioning it.

Hi:

This is Grover.

Listen, I want to tell you something.

If you are going to pretend it wasn't you who knocked the chocolate chip cookies off the cooling rack onto the floor and tasted them all, it helps if you first lick the chocolate from your whiskers.

Love,

Grover

I like to sit in puddles in the bathtub. Then I like to go into my litterbox and get litter stuck to me and cry until someone does something about it.

I like to sit on top of the stove, but today it got too hot and I had to get off quick!

Today I bit my mom through the shower curtain while she was taking a shower.

She screamed.

Hee hee hee.

Hi:

It's Grover.

I like Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Crackers. The cheddar ones.

I like that they look like little fish.

And I like that they taste salty.

Love,

Grover

Yesterday, everyone got up at 9 o'clock but I stayed in bed until after 2.

Then I got lots of hugs and kisses, ate something, drank something, sniffed Grover's butt and took a nice long nap on the computer monitor.

Perfect day.

I got stuck on top of the refrigerator today.

Gosh, I am very sleepy today! I've been up what, I guess about an hour now. I ate, I drank, I sat on my mom's shoulder, I smacked Grover, he smacked me back.

I'd say it's nap time.

We got yelled out last night and it's all Grover's fault.

I chased him from the kitchen to the living room and then we wrestled on the couch. And then he chased me into the kitchen and we wrestled on the stove.

But it's HIS fault the tea-pot fell off and made a loud sound.

When mom takes hair out of the bathroom drain, try to grab it from her and chew on it.

It's fun.

Hi:

It's Grover.

I wanted to tell you about this big decoration strung between my house and the house across the street. One night we went to sleep and it wasn't there. The next day when I went to look out the window, there it was.

I have no idea where it came from.

It's red and green and it has lights.

I like to watch it swing back and forth, back and forth. I want to smack it with my paw but the window is closed. It's cold out you know.

What's especially good, is the best place to watch it from is on the windowsill right above the radiator.

It is so warm there.

That's all.

Love,

Grover

Yawn. Nothing to say. Back to bed.

OH! It snowed! It is so beautiful!

Me and Grover sat on the windowsill above the radiator getting toasty warm and watching the white fall out of the sky.

Mom opened the window a little and I stuck my paw in all that white.

It was cold. And tasty.

Do not, I repeat, do NOT drink from the pan on the stove that has water and bubbles in it.

Serious.

I didn't sleep well last night. My mom kept moving around and it was really annoying. Every time I'd get comfortable against her belly she'd turn over and I'd have to switch to the other side because I like to be against her belly, not her back.

She kept me up all night.

So, now that she's gone to work I'm going back to bed.

I got stuck on top of the big bookcase. Mom asked how the hell I got up there and I couldn't tell her because I have no idea.

It's just that Grover ALWAYS goes to the top of the other big bookcase and he sits up there looking down on me, so I tried for hours to get to the top of the one he wasn't on so I could show him a thing or two about a thing or two.

So finally I did it!

I was up there. It was nice! It's very high and you can see the whole world.

Grover couldn't care less though. He jumped down from his bookcase and went to lay on the bed.

But I couldn't get down. I cried and cried but he wouldn't help me. He did come look at me a few times but he told me that's what I get for trying to do everything he does, and that if I got up, I can get down. Just figure it out, he said.

I was so glad when mom came home and saved me!!!!

Hi, it's Grover.

I have favorite things, too:

I love to drink water from the bathroom faucet.

I love to play with stuffed furry mice toys but I'm not allowed to anymore because one time I swallowed one whole and had to go to the doctor.

I love to sit on my mom's lap when she's on the computer.

Love,

Grover

Oh, I have more favorite things:

When my mom pours water from the Brita pitcher into our water bowls - I like to stick my paw in it

Licking bowls that had pasta in them

Licking the computer monitor

Hi:

This is Grover again.

I haven't left yet.

Bye.

These are three of my favorite things:

Chasing Grover

Licking mom's fingers when she eats cheese popcorn

Playing hockey on the kitchen floor with pieces of my food from the bowl

Now I know what guests are. Ali and his daddy came over. It was fun. I ate a bird. I think it was called a game hen. Whatever it was, it was worth the bath.

Grover and I played so much yesterday that we stayed in bed with mom this morning until almost 10:30.

It's 11:30 now.

Nap time!

Grover is sleeping on the stove and he's extra cranky today.

If anyone should be cranky, it's me. I just had another bath. That's two this week already.

Mom said we are having guests. I don't know what guests are, but if it means I have to take a bath, I don't want any.

Hi.

This is Grover.

Piglet is a bully.

A big, wrinkly, smelly, pot-bellied bully.

I've had enough of him.

No matter what I do, he has to be there. When I sleep he tries to get next to me and wakes me up. When I find something to play with he has to play, too. When I'm sitting on my mom's lap, he has to jump up.

I can't stand it anymore.

I've tried to leave, but I can't get the doors to open.

I'm going to try extra hard today.

You might not hear from me again.

Love,

Grover

I think Grover wants to run away.

He's always crying at the door.

It's so cool here - I can't imagine why he'd want to go. I heard mom telling someone that he's never been the same since I came along. That he used to be playful and sweet and now he's mostly a grumpus.

I'd be very lonely if he ran away.

I hope he doesn't.

Every time Grover goes into the litterbox, I hide right around the corner and as soon as he realizes I'm there and looks out at me, I jump on him!

So, last night I'm on the couch with mom and Grover - and no, of course Grover wasn't anywhere near me because he says I smell like mushrooms - and mom's watching this movie Monsoon Wedding and me and Grover are kind of falling in and out of sleep and all of a sudden I hear this cat meowing on the TV and I jumped up from my sleep and ran to the TV and meowed back because I thought he was talking to me.

Everyone laughed at me.

I really don't understand what was so funny.

My belly hurts.

Maybe I shouldn't have eaten that spider.

So, we have a new couch. It's great. Since we moved here we've been laying on the floor to watch TV. That was fun too because we could do flying leaps at mom if she wasn't paying attention.

But the couch is great and we're all happy. Grover likes to scratch at it and I think that's pretty fun, too. It's like a big giant scratching post! Mom keeps squirting us but that just adds to the fun.

Now it's all covered up with different blankets and what not. We still scratch it though. Especially when mom isn't home. Like right now.

I like to scratch my scratching post and then the couch to really fine tune my nails. Grover taught me that.

What does, "I will kick both your little asses if you scratch that fucking couch one more time!" mean? Mom keeps saying it, but I really don't get it...

I've been gone a long time. I always say that, I know, but really, I'm a cat and I don't have much control over these things. I blame it all on my mom.

We moved! We've living in this big old place now and Grover and I love it. We can run end to end (it's a railroad apartment) and it's wicked fun to chase each other. Mom gets a bit pissed off if we keep it up, but we can't help it. It's great!

We also like the sunlight that comes in through the windows at both ends of the apartment.

Unfortunately, I've not seen any mice here, not even one. I did kill a spider though.

Wow! I've been gone so long again! I blame my mom this time - she took a long trip and her beautiful friend stayed with us but she never turned the computer on and I didn't know how to do it myself. She was so nice to me and Grover though.

We loved her so much that while she was here we brought her lots of presents. For some reason (I think it has to do with all the banging down below us, something called construction) Grover and me found a LOT of mice in the past few weeks. It was so much fun!!!! Every time we saw one, we'd play with it and then we'd bring it to our babysitter. Sometimes in bed. Sometimes when she was eating. We just wanted her to know how much we loved her and appreciated here staying her while mom was gone.

Unfortunately, I don't think she got the message, because after a few days of us bringing her presents, she cried and cried and her sister came here and after they threw away all the food on the wicker shelf, she ended up leaving!

We felt bad. We couldn't understand why she wouldn't want our presents! And, we missed having her here during the night. But we adjusted.

Anyway, she showed up twice a day after that and took really good care of us. I was a bit pissed off though when she gave me a bath! I couldn't believe it! After I'd been so nice to her and all she actually made me take bath! And then, to add insult to injury, she cleaned my ears.

Grover, as usual, didn't have to deal with any of that. I swear, just because I don't have fur people think they can take advantage of me. Harrumph.

So, it all turned out OK and really, it was quite an adventure for everyone.

The mice are all gone now, but I wish we'd see a few because mom is home and we're so happy to have her back that we wanted to give her some presents, too. Maybe today will be our lucky day!

I haven't written in a long time and I have no excuse. I just didn't feel like it.

It's been very hot. Mostly I sit and watch the birds outside. Grover does that, too.

There was this show on TV about an island you can visit with little huts built on stilts above the water. Part of the floor was glass and you could see fish swimming beneath you. I want to go there. Grover does, too. We think it would be quite delicious.