It's Grover. Listen. We're very sorry we have not written in so long and we thank you so much for your many emails and comments and concern, and patience in our responses. Here is a summary of our last month:
1) Our mom got bumped and bruised by a mini-van. This is what happens to a person who is distracted and instead of staying on the sidewalk, walks in the street along the driver's side of the parked cars. Let this be a lesson to you.
2) The day after the Mini-Van Incident, Piggy had a major freak out at the vet resulting in 8 stitches in my mom's hand. (Um, excuse me? Even after THAT, she's still in love with him? Really? Can you say, "Unhealthy Relationship?" Can you say, "Dude...what is up with that?" Exactly.)
3) OK, this one is still sketchy, but personally I think Piggy gave my mom Swine Flu even though the doctor said it's bronchitis. It's all just too coincidental. Mom gets ripped open by Pig. Mom gets stitches. Mom gets a flu. Mom gets bronchitis. Mom's eyes get all red and scary. Swine Flu breaks out. Coincidence? Only the Shadow knows.
4) Piggy's meds were reduced and a few days later he began puking and having diarrhea again...but now he is much better...especially once mom realized the little stinky thing had been sneaking into the closet, had ripped open a bag of our other kind of yummy food we used to eat before Pig ruined everything and got sick, and had eaten a very large quantity of the food. Once our mom removed the offending product, the vomiting and diarrhea stopped. Yeah, she's a smart one, that mom. Doh! This is what happens when one looks upon their child as an angel instead of a devil. Piggy is a devil. I don't care if he's Pink. Pink is just a lighter shade of red, and we all know the devil is red. And the devil's got a whippy tail. And Pig has a whippy tail. Just sayin'.
5) Piggy sleeps a LOT. A whole lot. And when he's not sleeping he is lolling about like a walrus on his super special blue plaid blanket, enticing someone to kiss his round, bald belly. He's disgusting.
6) OK, he's LESS disgusting than he used to be because the medicine has stopped all his skin from flaking away into piles of snow. He used to leave piles of himself everywhere and now, nope, not a flake. But he still smells.
7) We love you and we'll be back soon.
P.S. Piggy wants to tell you something: Hi. It's Piggy. Listen, I do not find it funny that people keep asking if I gave mom the Swine Flu. The answer is NO. Despite being Pink and Bald and having the name Pig, I am feline not porcine and even if I could give her Swine Flu, I would not because I know my mom loves me best and I would never want to make her sick. But I might give it to Grover. If I could. But I can't. So I won't. Luv, Piggy.
P.P.S. Hi. It's Grover. Listen. Harrumph. Luv, Grover